WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - Today, Republican presidential candidate and empathy-handicapped billionaire Donald Trump criticized Democratic presidential candidate U.S. Senator Bernie Sanders of Vermont for completely lacking a policy on how to combat comedian and actress Rosie O'Donnell. Trump called Sanders' lack of a policy regarding O'Donnell "shameful" while asserting Rosie was "a fat pig," "a clear and present danger to the United States," and she should probably be nuked from outer space.

NEW ORLEANS, Louisiana (The Adobo Chronicles) - It is the biggest jackpot in U.S. lottery history -- $1.5 Billion and counting.  And someone, for sure, is going to win it tonight! An unidentified man who lives in New Orleans, Lousiana, spent the last 48 hours making the rounds of convenience and other stores selling Power Ball…

BAGUIO CITY, Philippines (The Adobo Chronicles) - U.S. fast-food giant McDonald's claims to be number one in the world, except  in the Philippines where the clown can't seem to beat the 'fat, stupid, happy bee,' Jollibee. The fierce competition between the two restaurant chains continues as the fast-food industry tries to reinvent itself in order to…

Washington—A child, who apparently wanted “walkies”, became a key distraction last night during President Obama’s 8th and final State Of The Union Address. Initially the President tried to make light of the situation, but the growing disruption caused him to lose his train of thought several times and eventually his patience. The President initially tried…

A petition signed by 5000 insomniacs has been handed in to Manchester United asking the board to retain the services of under-pressure boss Louis Van Gaal.

Online technology continues to advance, and this week, one man saw a very lucky result from it.

Washington, DC- (satireworld.com)
In America, the President of the United States is required by law to give an annual report about our nation's state to both Houses of Congress and to the American people. It's during this time the President's truthfulness is also monitored by the American people who basically are listening to a one-sided report by the President on his own accomplishments and those of his party.

Tuesday night's televised State of the Union Speech featuring the Anointed One, Barack Hussein Obama, dragged on for an endless amount of time and all that was really said were thi

Brian Haldane helps Jeremy White and Sunny Weathers start off another year of episodes by reminiscing about the good ol’ not-so-stabby days of Tigerland.

If Gov. John Bel Edwards gets his way, Louisianians will be able to use public assistance funds to purchase medically prescribed marijuana.

WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - This morning, Democratic presidential candidate and former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton announced she was considering switching to the Republican Party to run for president, which she believed would greatly increase her chances of being in the general election due to the party's "facts-optional policy." Clinton blamed the need to consider becoming a Republican on her Democratic rival U.S. Senator Bernie Sanders of Vermont, who had recently surged ahead of Clinton in polls of likely Democratic primary caucus-goers and voters in Iowa and New Hampshire, resp

Screw Benghazi, this is the real scandal of our age. I haven’t written much about the Bernie Sanders’ phenomenon on this blog, but his imbibing a brew from one of my main hangouts demands a response. Historic Brewing, Bernie?! You’re on my turf now. There are reasons I would love to endorse the Bernster, but I…

An 84 year old man from Melbourne will attempt to climb to the top of Jerry Hall, in a three day expedition which has never been undertaken before by anyone under 60.

Making fun of the headlines today, so you don’t have to The news doesn’t need to be complicated and confusing; that’s what any new release from Microsoft is for.

HOLLYWOOD, California (The Adobo Chronicles) - During a backstage press conference at last night's Golden Globes, Jennifer Lawrence, who won Best Actress in a Musical or Comedy film, scolded a foreign journalist for looking at his phone while asking a question of the "Joy" star. "You can't live your whole life behind your phone, bro," she…

Pittsburg, PA – (satireworld.com)

Rosemary Rottencrotch, perhaps the English speaking world’s most famous tart, has announced her retirement today after a 75 year career of being the punchline and sophomoric foil in literally thousands of jokes, stories, adolescent bragging, and military marching liturgies.

"It's funnier the second time you watch it." Jimmy Popper, Surveyor

NORTH KOREA (The Barbed Wire) - The world reacted with shock today as North Korea announced that it had successfully tested a hydrogen bomb. The thought of such a weapon in the hands of the country's maniacal dictator, best known for his kick ass haircuts, worried leaders worldwide, though the White House doubts the claims.

Observers from around the globe were surprised and saddened on Monday to find that a giant shadow had been cast over the Earth.

Kidding, Bowie really rocked it as Lord Royal Highness in SpongeBob’s Atlantis SquarePantis.

Researchers concluded that the greatest cause of anxiety was being asked questions about their washing habits.