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WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - Earlier this evening, conservative website WorldNetDaily (WND) - the same source that recently accused President Obama of being possessed by a Kenyan demon - reported billionaire and Republican presidential candidate Donald Trump was "the Second Coming of Christ." WND claimed its regular contributors Joseph Farah, Ann Coulter, Erik Rush, Pat Boone, and Ted Nugent were all at the same seance when they accidentally contacted Muhammad, but were quickly transferred to Mary the Mother of God, who told them Donald Trump was "the second coming of my son, Jesus."
WASHINGTON, D.C. (The Adobo Chronicles® ) - It is a scandal worse than Watergate or Irangate. It's called Electiongate. (And these scandals always happen in Washington, D.C., go figure!). Today, The Washington Post  confirmed that former President Bill Clinton had a meeting with Donald Trump just before the real estate mogul announced his bid to become the next…
James Bond was stopped from boarding a flight after his weapon made the airport machines go off.
AUSTIN, TEXAS (The Nil Admirari) - Texas Attorney General Ken Paxton (R) refused to heed calls for his resignation today, and blamed Texas voters for electing "a criminal, a hypocrite, and a man of such low moral character" to be their state's chief enforcer of the law. On Monday, Paxton was indicted on three felony counts related to securities law violations that allegedly took place when he was a lawyer and state legislator, and he failed to disclose to investors in a tech company he was profiting from their investments.
NEW YORK CITY (The Barbed Wire) - After a crazed gunman killed two people in a Louisiana movie theater during a screening of her movie Trainwreck, comedian Amy Schumer, cousin of Democratic brainiac Senator Chuck Schumer, became the latest celebrity to make a public plea for gun control. At a press conference, she offered her advice for people who find themselves defenseless in a gun-free zone.
The medical team danced around the operating theatre, miming the letters of the song's title at every chorus.
Slain Cecil the Lion’s brother releases statement Jericho, the brother of Cecil the Lion, has released a statement on his website, lionizing-lions.com, and it reads: “It is I, Jericho, the Luigi to Cecil’s Mario. As you can probably tell, contrary to reports, I am not dead, I was not killed in Hwange National Park.
CLEVELAND, Ohio (The Adobo Chronicles® ) - The stage is set for the Republican presidential debate to be held at 9 p.m. on Thursday at Quicken Loans Arena in Cleveland. It will air live on the Fox News Channel with moderators Chris Wallace, Megyn Kelly and Bret Baier. The GOP  debate will feature candidates who made it…
NEW YORK CITY, NEW YORK (The Nil Admirari) - Republican presidential candidate and billionaire Donald Trump announced today he had kidnapped billionaire David Koch, and was demanding a large amount of money from billionaire Charles Koch to get his brother back. Trump claimed the kidnapping was in response to being snubbed by the infamous Koch brothers, who did not invite him to Dana Point, California this past weekend where about 450 very wealthy conservative donors gathered by the Kochs met with five other Republican presidential candidates.
With its myriad of natural delights and seasonal climactic appeal, the beach attracts millions of Americans each and every year. Though fun for some, the beach can also be an extremely dangerous and terrifying place.
"I lose complete control of all my body's emissions when I sneeze. Just know that, fans, before inviting me to a sneeze party again." Jimmy Popper, Nurse
'The Duchess is to relinquish her ‘softer’ public facing role in favour of some hard graft,' said a Kensington Palace spokesperson, 'she is very much looking forward to the prospect of surveying chain anchor legs and inspecting and stabilising underwater oil-pipelines.'
Famous for his go-go lifestyle, few people know that an addiction to the game “Go” nearly derailed Keith Urban’s career. In a recent rant, much to the dismay of people around the world, Tony Abbott, the Australian Prime Minister, compared Kiwis to sperm: “Millions of them enter and only a couple of them actually work.”
ATLANTA, Georgia (The Adobo Chronicles® ) - Amid conflicting reports that Zimbabwean lion Cecil's brother was either killed or is still alive, CNN has confirmed that Jericho was indeed killed. In a news flash aired on Don Lemon's show tonight, CNN announced that Jericho, Cecil's brother, "who is also a lion," was killed in yet another…
Cecil the lion will become the first animal canonized as a saint by the Catholic Church it was announced earlier today.
"I need to get me some Thug Life sunglasses. Or a pretty bird." Jimmy Popper, Punches Above His Weight
NEW YORK, New York (The Adobo Chronicles®) - Democratic presidential candidate Hillary Clinton just released her first official political  ad and already, pundits are praising it as one of the most brilliant campaign ads America has ever seen. In the ad, Clinton talks about her late mother Dorothy  who brought her up in a loving family.…
"Bless him, but dear Lord cover my eyes or cover those arms!" prays one devout but grossed-out Lutheran.
NEW YORK CITY, NEW YORK (The Nil Admirari) - Earlier today, Fox News announced Republican presidential candidates Donald Trump and Governor of New Jersey Chris Christie will stand next to each other during Thursday's debate hosted by the network. The announcement met with condemnation from the eight other participating Republican candidates, as it broke the debate rule stating candidates would be positioned based on their national poll numbers.
Amid the controversy surrounding the killing of 'Cecil' the lion, the focus has now switched from a US poacher with a dental license, to 'some naked dude' without hunting license. Zimbabwean officials have accused a Mr. Herecles of using his gnarled club to kill both a lion and a hydra - all while having his 'junk on display'.

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