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THE PENTAGON (The Nil Admirari) - Earlier today, Secretary of Defense Ashton B. Carter defended the F-35 Joint Strike Fighter from critics who claimed the aircraft's wings randomly falling off was "a serious and potentially dangerous design flaw." Lockheed Martin announced it was "looking into the alleged wing malfunction," and would require "no less than another billion or so" to remedy what it classified as "a low-priority design glitch."
WASHINGTON, D.C. (The Adobo Chronicles® ) - The National Aeoronautics and Space Administration (NASA) is expected to announce on Monday that scientists have discovered on the surface of the red planet what appears to be debris from earth. NASA is preparing to reveal  the “major science finding” in a special news conference that will take place at…
The after effects we've had reported include a penchant for wide-knotted metallic ties, an inability to realise you're parked poorly, a tendency to speak too loudly when using a Bluetooth headset, and a general feeling of excessive smugness.'
by Jim Hightower.Democracy is never given to us, but must be won. As Henrik Ibsen said: “You should never wear your best trousers when you go out to fight for freedom and truth.” Democracy is never given to us, but has to be won through constant struggle against the elites who keep scheming to siphon ever more [more...]Subscribe to our monthly Humor Times magazine here, available worldwide, in print or digital format.
Pope Francis addressed a joint session of Congress yesterday, calling on each of its members to commit suicide.
SEEKONK, MASSACHUSETTS (The Nil Admirari) - Earlier today, a Massachusetts man with serious health problems and crippling medical debt announced Democratic presidential candidate Senator Bernie Sanders of Vermont may have progressive policy solutions to help him avoid financial ruin, disability, and death, but he disliked Sanders' record on guns. Thomas Basil, a construction worker and married father of two, cited Sanders' NRA rating of "D-" as the reason why he openly supported Republican presidential candidate and billionaire Donald Trump, "who always says what is on his mind..."
NEW YORK CITY--New York Jets Head Coach Todd Bowles told reporters today the team's terrible quarterback, Geno Smith, has been cleared to return to the team after rehabilitating a broken jaw. "We'll bring Geno back a little slowly," Bowles said, "Even though it probably won't matter in regard to his on-field play, which is universally…
WASHINGTON, D.C. (The Adobo Chronicles® ) - No one will ever know what Speaker John Boehner discussed with Pope Francis during a private meeting at the Capitol prior to the Pontiff's speech before a joint session of the U.S. Congress on Thursday. Sources close to the Republican leader are only saying that Boehner sought advice from…
It's not always the smartest decision to switch in the Monty Hall problem
Heaven—God is reportedly “furious” with Senator Ted Cruz’s recent political antics. As Cruz delivered a speech on the virtues of clean Tar Sands earlier today, God disrupted the proceedings with a blinding flash of Photoshopped light. God then commanded: “Thou shalt retire from politics indefinitely!” The almighty later told reporters he was not impressed with the Texas Senator’s recent debate…
Beelzebub has recalled a trillion handcarts we’re all going to hell in because their poisonous emissions are ‘not toxic enough’.
“The Intern” – a film review by Gary Chew After making the mistake of installing Windows 10 in my PC and trying to figure out what to do next, I hoped all of my files hadn’t been swept away with a single click. Then I realized I was a reasonable facsimile of Robert De Niro’s...
A comically inept group called One Million Moms has organized a boycott of the network ABC because of the “perverted” new Muppets show, demanding that it be cancelled as there is no other way to stop it from appearing on television screens of the righteous.
"Water melons have a far cuter butt than zebras in this reviewers opinion." Kent Rugby, Healthy Man
CAPITOL HILL (The Barbed Wire) - Taking advantage of an unexpected source of special effects, the Pope used House Speaker John Boehner's incessant crying during his speech to Congress to make the point that if the United States did not correct its evil ways soon, the Speaker would flood the earth with his tears .
Providence, RI – The Clay Mathematics Institute awards 1 million dollars to any individual that can solve one of the seven Millennium Prize Problems.  Dr. Grigoriy Perelman is a recent winner by solving the Poincare conjecture.
BATON ROUGE, LOUISIANA (The Nil Admirari) - Speaking at a Republican fundraiser earlier today Louisiana Governor Bobby Jindal announced how disappointed he was with many conservative politicians in the country for running away from the fight to allow bigoted religious Americans to decline service to the LGBT community. A GOP candidate for president, Jindal gave Americans a preview of what his campaign's vision for the county would look like by unveiling his "Separate and Unequal Social Policy."
WASHINGTON, D.C. (The Adobo Chronicles®) - We now know why House Speaker John Boehner shed a tear or two while standing next to Pope Francis in the balcony of the U.S. Capitol Building this morning. Millions of television viewers noticed the Republican leader crying and pulling out a white handkerchief to wipe his tears as the…

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