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"I don't get Samsung phone flavoured water, but I totally get cheesy feet flavoured water. Mmmmhhh...." Kent Rugby, Flavoured Water Executive
‘He holidayed on the Death Star, I let him destroy a planet’, sobbed Lord Vader. ‘He even asked if I could lend it him to deal with a ‘pesky’ nation he was bothered about. I’ll vote Tory next time – they never forget a friendly tyrant.’
The Donald, likely an insult comic in another life, sits like a King. Paul Lewis, a British journalist at The Guardian best known for his award-winning investigation into the demise of Hard Rock Café t-shirts, has just returned from traveling across the USA with Donald Trump. Wowing audiences and shrugging off numerous death threats...
The cheeky smile on a local man from Layer Under Haye, who died last year, has finally been explained after his name was found on the Ashley Madison database.
BRUSSELS, Belgium (The Adobo Chronicles®) - As Republican presidential candidate Donald Trump laid out details of his immigration policy, the European Union (EU) adopted a resolution that, in effect, negates Trump's ill intentions against the estimated 11 Million undocumented immigrants now living in the U.S. Trump's immigration policy includes building a wall along the southern border…
Come to think of it... MILFORD, Connecticut--Subway Vice President of Marketing Jeremy Conway admitted today that there were several statements made by former spokesman Jared Fogle during his initial audition that probably should have raised red flags and possibly affected the company's decision to hire him. "(Fogle's) movements when he held the sub was very…
Police departments are now exploring the effect of self-love to prevent officers from acting out revenge fantasies on the public.
SEVASTOPOL, CRIMEA (The Nil Admirari) - Earlier today, Russian Television (RT) announced President Vladimir Putin had discovered the ancient lost city of Atlantis only 60 kilometers away from the Black Sea port city of Sevastopol. Putin was engaged in a routine provocative visit to the disputed territory of Crimea when he decided to use his master explorer skills to find Atlantis.
Let me go ahead and say what most people have figured out with their own good sense by now: College Greeks are gross. They’re nasty-ass, dirty people.
An avid subscriber to numerous conspiracy theories is challenging the government’s claim, as stated in countless highway signs across the country, that right lanes actually end.
The Oxford English Dictionary has announced that it is redefining the meaning of certain words in the light of their usage deviating from international variations. A spokesman added that the OED is ‘determined to embrace modern word usage, like totally’.
Living life as mosquito bait I love summer. And guess who else adores these balmy August days? The local mosquito population! When I step outside, if there’s a mosquito within miles, it will start heading in my direction — as will all of its brothers and sisters — eagerly anticipating a delicious snack.
For our August 2005 edition, Chris Fontana submitted an article titled “Apocalypse Live,” which rather accurately foretold (in Chris’ uniquely entertaining style) the devastating effects a major hurricane bearing down on New Orleans would have on his hometown and the rest of South Louisiana.
Carrot after a recent arrest PAWNEE, Illinois--Two years ago Carrot, a seven-year-old Australian Shepherd mix, made national headlines when he was named as the sole beneficiary in the will of his owner, Mary Stewart, who left her entire $30 million estate to the dog.  This week Carrot was in the news again when it was…
NEW YORK, New York (The Adobo Chronicles® ) - Republican presidential candidate Donald Trump laid out his immigration policy last weekend: build a border wall paid for by Mexico, deport all of the 11 Million undocumented immigrants now in the U.S., and amend the constitution to re-define birthright citizenship. Today, Trump fired one of his employees,…
Have Experimental Autonomous Killer Drones Gone Rogue in UK? Government Denies Series of Attacks on Asian Businesses and 4x4 Dealerships Down to 'Rogue Reapers'.
"Did anybody count how many thin people were in that queue?" Jessie Krufts, Twitter Troll
THE WEST BANK, ISRAEL (The Nil Admirari) - Once again, Republican presidential candidate and former Governor of Arkansas Mike Huckabee escaped from Bellevue Hospital, and somehow ended up in Israel today. Huckabee's second vacation from mental health workers followed his statement about Israelis being led to ovens by President Obama due to the nuclear agreement his administration reached with Iran.
Vegas is currently giving Bobby Jindal 40:1 odds of winning. That actually sounds better than what I’d expected when I looked it up. But is it? Let’s look at some things that have a better chance of happening than Piyush winning the White House.
WASHINGTON, D.C.--Sources within the Obama administration confirmed today that the White House has purchased property insurance through State Farm that covers the entire state of Missouri.  The policy lists President Obama as the sole owner, and will only pay in the event of a total loss. "If the entire state were to become, let's say,…

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