Check Please!
In what is being seen as generally a foregone conclusion, sources in Washington agreed Tuesday that Attorney General Sessions is pretty much responsible for a recent hurricane, and Former FBI Director James Comey probably had a hand in it, too.
Blountstown, FL – (

Henry Miller is one busy man. His 34 year old John Deere dealership in Blountstown has skyrocketed to the position of number one in excavator sales in the whole Southeast because of the recent gold strike on Parker’s Creek. Miller Equipment Sales recently sold its 27th John Deere 220D excavator in a six-week period.
Blountstown, FL – (

The Blountstown Chamber of Commerce released its newest report on the recent discover of massive gold deposits that have placed the once sleepy Florida Panhandle town on the map of richest places to live in America. Chamber President Cletus Moore included in the report of 87 locals who are newly-made millionaires. The individuals have struck it rich by finding substantial gold deposits on once played out agricultural land that in some cases have been in family hands for generations.
Blountstown, FL- (
The small panhandle town that sparked a gold rush after nuggets were found strewn all over farmer Van Peebles farm, has apparently disappeared!
Any reference to the town, Van Peebles, gold, and aliens, have disappeared from Wikipedia, and attempts to pinpoint the town and Parker’s Creek on Google Map are fruitless.
The deep state has gone to a disturbing new level according to one Missouri family who claims the shadowy group impregnated their 16 year-old daughter with a black baby.
Safford, AZ- (

The Federal Bureau of Prisons has released information that Jared Fogle, former Subway spokesman, has written and recorded several songs while serving in prison. Fogle is currently incarcerated in Safford, Arizona and is serving a sentence for having child pornography and for engaging in illicit sexual contact with underage women.
Los Angeles, CA – (
Network officials and show producers have announced that the 2019 season of “Dancing With The Stars” will feature nothing but “big” contestants. The “big,” however, is not what you would normally thing of as “big Hollywood stars.” All of next year’s contestants will be plus sized.
New York City (NYC) (

Democratic Mayor Bill de Blasio and the NYC Council have passed an ordinance banning Coney Island Whitefish. The Coney Island Whitefish, better known as a Condom (latex/rubber), cannot now be disposed of in any manner (like flushing) that causes this protective device to wind up in any body of water within NYC limits, e.g. lakes, rivers (Hudson, East, Harlem/Spuyten Duyvil Creek, Brooklyn/Gowanus Canal, Canarsie) and the Atlantic Ocean. Currently in the summer months the Coney Island Whitefish can be seen, after dark, spawning in NYC waters.
Boston, MA – (
Nike, which is trying to corner and control the market on Un-Americans and Anti-Americans, has announced a follow-up to their Colin Kaepernick commercials. Famous traitor and subversive “Hanoi” Jane Fonda, who has been found guilty of treason in the court of public opinion but not in the Hollywood and Democratically controlled court system, will join ISIS terrorists in beheading Christian missionaries in an unknown Middle Eastern location.
London man claims he was assaulted by Hitler's ghost following his steamy affair with the spirit of Eva Braun. Charged with affray following ferocious battle in High Street with phantom Fuhrer.
Government announces introduction of new ‘Universal Hate’ policy, under which all existing forms of hate crime, regardless of whether it is racial, religious or gender based, will be amalgamated into one single type of hate. Ministers hope new system will simplify process of hate crime for perpetrators, victims and police.
“Honestly your Honour, I was acting in the best interests of the local community when I burned down my eighty five year old neighbour’s garden shed. I had very reliable information from a bloke down the pub that he was actually running a drug factory from there..."
Hollywood,CA – (

Kim Kardiashian (a.k.a. Kim Kartrashian) was recently selected by a Hollywood celebrity panel as being the Least Talented Person in America. This was the sixth straight win for Kim, breaking the previous record set by Paris Hilton.
In what some are calling a publicity stunt likely spurred by the attention John McCain's recent passing received, President Trump announced his own death on Twitter this morning.
Muffinville, AZ – (
Pampered snot-bag and full time RINO, Meghan McCain threatened to cutoff all and any affiliation with the Republican Party after talks fellow View panelists who placed the blame on Republicans for Hostess Brands shuttering its Twinkie plant doors in Texas as a long standing result of union unrest. Her apparent unhappiness with Republicans and Trump in particular spilled over during her eulogy at her late father’s 17th funeral event in 10 days with a very personal attack on President Trump.

NASA – (
In the summer of 1969, The United States of America launched the Apollo 11 spaceflight. It landed on the moon on July 20th and Neil Armstrong became the first man to walk on the moon the next day. He was the followed by Buzz Aldrin. Training for the mission was done in Texas, California, Alabama, and Florida.
Washington, DC – (

Democratic Congresswoman Nancy Pelosi of the Fruitcake, California district, who is constantly looking everywhere to attempt to make President Donald Trump look bad, has now decided that he should be impeached because “he likes large breasted women.”
New York, NY- (
Union fat cat Mark Rosenthal spends more time sleeping at his desk than organizing labor, a series of damning photos reveals.

The 400 plus pound president of Local 983 of District Council 37…the city’s largest blue-collar municipal-workers union…often downs a huge meal of cheeseburgers, shakes, onion rings, and pie, then drops into dreamland in the early afternoon, members of the union’s executive board told SatireWorld.

"Towards thee I roll, thou all-destroying but unconquering cow; to the last I grapple with thee; from hell's heart I stab at thee; for hate's sake I spit my last breath at thee. Thou damned cow!"
Addressing on Thursday the latest wave of sexual abuse scandals to have rocked the Catholic Church, Pope Francis vowed to keep the molestation of children by members of the clergy to a minimum going forward.

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