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NEW YORK, New York  (The Adobo Chronicles® ) - The word war between Republican presidential candidate Donald Trump and FOX News seems to be coming to an end, thanks to  an agreement recently made between Trump and FOX News Chairman Roger Ailes. Earlier in the week, Ailes was quoted as saying to Trump, 'We resolve…
NEW YORK CITY, NEW YORK (The Nil Admirari) - Fox News talking head Megyn Kelly announced two nights ago on her show The Kelly Factor she was going to take a ten day vacation. Kelly did not say why she was going on vacation on-air, but an anonymous source at Fox News informed TNA today Kelly was told by her boss Roger Ailes to "take some time off, forget about Donald Trump, and the death threats his supporters keep sending you."
Jesus issued a decree denouncing fantasy football today, effectively eliminating the hobby as a source of entertainment for devout Christians.
WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari): Earlier today, the Republican Party offered to fly former Vice President Dick Cheney and former President George W. Bush to the Hague so they could go before the International Criminal Court (ICC) to face war crimes charges related to their illegal March 2003 invasion - and subsequent occupation - of Iraq. Republican National Committee Chairman Reince Priebus stated the only thing the GOP wanted in return from the Democratic Party was to have Democratic presidential candidate Hillary Clinton arrested for "a bunch of things."
MANILA, Philippines (The Adobo Chronicles® ) - The New Darling of Asia, Asia's New Rising Tiger, the Next First World Country, Social Media Capital of the World. These are just some of the honors and distinctions that the Philippines has achieved under the administration of President NoyNoy Aquino. The president would not settle for anything but…
The real-estate magnate and Presidential-hopeful, has emerged as the GOP's frontrunner to become America's new codeword for crossing emotional and moral boundaries. Organized BDSM groups will be using the phrase 'Donald Trump' to warn members when they are about to exceed sexual limits or say 'something dumbass about menstruation'.
‘Let the biggest dick win,’ said Trump. ‘Which of course would be me. I am the greatest, most classiest dick of all time.’ NEW YORK – Donald Trump announced today that he was challenging his fellow presidential candidates to a ‘Biggest Dick” contest before the next debate.
In the video, the clearly angry Corbyn asked some question or other which the prime minister answered after removing her owl shaped glasses, popular at the time.
NEW YORK CITY, NEW YORK (The Nil Admirari) - Earlier today, Fox News announced Iran had launched an attack on the Islamic State's "Muhammad Moon Base 1" believing the base was holding afterlife virgins hostage. Fox News alerted its viewers to the existence of the Islamic State's moon base on July 18th - when it warned of an imminent attack on the United States - and today criticized the Obama Administration's failure to do anything about it.
San Diego, CA –   Unless you live in California, you probably don’t know Braxton Spooner.  Local residents view him as a bit of a celebrity.  The state is a regular when it comes to severe weather and Brax (as he prefers local residents to refer to him) consistently puts them at ease with his accurate forecasts and his million dollar smile.
Outrage as local newspaper obituary describes deceased as 'utter bastard with no redeeming features', instead of 'local character and loving husband'.
NEW YORK CITY, NEW YORK (The Nil Admirari) - Republican presidential candidate and billionaire Donald Trump threw a kitten off of the 58th floor of Trump Tower this morning. Trump claimed he did it to show everyone he was unstoppable, and polls taken immediately following the incident showed him surging even further ahead of his Republican opponents.
MOUNTAIN VIEW, California  (The Adobo Chronicles® ) - So Google is now part of Alphabet, a new holding company that will manage Google and all of its other products. Why is the new company called Alphabet? Google/Alphabet CEO Larry Page says it’s because Alphabet means a “collection of letters that represent language, one of humanity’s…
WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - Earlier today, Republican presidential candidate and former Texas Governor Rick Perry announced all of his paid campaign staff were going to be considered volunteers for the foreseeable future due to a severe lack of money. Perry said he did not think it was a bad sign for his presidential bid, and adopted the brand new position that money should have no place in politics.
SAN FRANCISCO, California (The Adobo Chronicles® ) -  From Safeway to Whole Foods to Trader Joe's, avocados have disappeared from grocery shelves, and the situation has created a severe shortage of guacamole  in California. Taquerias have been serving salsa with their corn chips, minus the guacamole. The Chipotle restaurant chain has set a limit of one…
"One simply cannot afford NOT to read this excellent guide to hiring a suitable nanny," says friend of Jenn and Ben.
In a move thought to be the first of its kind Arsenal have placed midfielder Jack Wilshere on a zero-hours contract after running out of patience with the constantly injured player. As a result Wilshere will now be paid only when he plays for the club, a move that is expected to reduce his monthly earnings from £360K to a projected £87.19.
Impress your friends, get them to help paste these ‘Trump for President’ bumper stickers everywhere! Hey Kids! Here is what you need for a little summer fun! Just print off these patriotic ‘Trump for President’ bumper stickers, snitch a pair of scissors and some glue from your mom when she isn’t looking...
STILLWATER, MINNESOTA (The Nil Admirari) - Earlier today, former Minnesota Congresswoman Michele Bachmann (R-MN-6) announced she had discovered dozens of phallic shaped objects in the bottom drawer of her husband Marcus's dresser. Bachmann explained her husband told her the objects were rockets to take them to Heaven once President Obama fulfilled his role to take the world into the End Times and bring about the Second Coming of Christ.
Can you speak up? I have shit in my ears. MARYVILLE, Arkansas—GOP presidential hopeful and former Arkansas governor Mike Huckabee visited Miss Cynthia Parker’s first grade art class at Maryville Elementary School today, where he reportedly left the entire class in awe when he displayed his own impressive artistic talent by drawing a remarkably detailed…

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