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MANILA, Philippines (The Adobo Chronicles) - Supermarkets and retailers in the Philippines are reporting a severe shortage of plastic wrap as a result of recent reports that  incoming and outgoing airline passengers at Manila's Ninoy Aquino International Airport (NAIA) are being held and charged for alleged bullets found in their luggage. Known as laglag bala (bullet drop) or tanim…
Portland Police: "Someone is purposefully and slowly trying to kill your child over a period of the next forty to fifty years."
WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - Today, Republican presidential candidate and former Governor of Florida Jeb Bush was widely criticized for his latest jobs plan failing to get presidential rival Senator Marco Rubio (R-FL) back to work. Bush's plan was declared "a complete failure" by conservative and liberal observers alike for its exclusive reliance on guilt, and failure to give Rubio any incentives to get back to work.
Jeb Bush, a middle-aged to elderly-looking male with glasses, announced his candidacy for President today.
Halloween 2015 finds Donald Trump spooked and crashing back to Earth like Wild E. Coyote meets Icarus meets a certain David Bowie movie. Polls show Ben Carson topping Trump as much as 14% in the state that holds the first key challenge. The Donald is hoping to change his fortunes there, but as he tours through the…
‘One woman came in a nurse’s costume, but she was actually a nurse.’
Assad and Putin have a good laugh at U.S. expense The famed web expose site WikiLeaks scored a mammoth coup this week with its hidden camera surveillance of the Assad-Putin meeting in Moscow. The leader of Syria and the President of Russia were presumably meeting to discuss their mutual concerns about the rebellion in Syria.
ST. LOUIS, Missouri (The Adobo Chronicles) - The next time your mom or grandma says to you, "Eat your vegetables," she will no longer be referring to broccoli, carrots, zucchini, tomatoes or asparagus. Today, the Botanical Society of America (BSA) formally ended the decades-long debate among bonanists, nutritionists and culinary experts about whether some plant produce…
WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - Earlier today, Democratic presidential candidate and former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton announced she will dress up as a Walmart cashier for Halloween. Clinton declared her costume selection was meant to inform Americans she sat on Walmart's board of directors from 1986 to 1992, and was complicit in outsourcing American jobs to foreign sweatshops while she actively worked against labor unions.
Speaking during a morning adjournment to watch naked mud wrestling, Saudi Foreign Minister Adel al-Jubeir, Iranian Foreign Minister Mohammad Javad Zarif and US Secretary of State John Kerry agreed that Mr Putin’s fragrance of choice could be a major problem.
With only a mere year between now and the 2016 presidential election, two movies just out appear to be efforts at raising the sophistication level among voters: one at a rather high level; the other, not so much.
A SELECTION OF OUR MOST PRESTIGIOUS AWARDS

Dwarf Tossers Association Sagittarius Horoscope Of the Year 2014
Welly Boot Tossers Association Special Wellington Boot Award November 2013
Big Band Waap Waap Special Trombone Award For Predictions Involving Wind, March 2012
WASHINGTON, D.C.  (The Adobo Chronicles) The Republican National Committee (RNC) has pulled out of a planned Feb. 26 debate hosted by NBC News after widespread criticism of this week's CNBC debate from both the party and campaigns. In a stunning announcement made today, RNC chairman Reince Priebus said that the February 26 debate will be moved instead to the Disney…
WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - Earlier today, all of the Republican presidential candidates announced they would be taking their blatant lies and distortions to "safer" conservative propaganda outlets following Wednesday's CNBC debate where they were all confronted on some of their lies. The Republican National Committee (RNC) also declared it was "breaking up" with NBC as a result of the last debate, even as NBC promised to "better accommodate" Republican lies in the future.
‘Originally our one child policy was accused of being anti human rights,’ said Derek Smythe. ‘But our prosperity rose, especially where pick and mix was concerned, as a result of decreased pilferage.’
When ‘free speech’ is for sale, big money drowns out the people. In today’s so-called “democratic” election process, Big Money doesn’t talk, it roars — usually drowning out the people’s voice. Bizarrely, the Supreme Court decreed in its 2010 Citizens United ruling that money is a form of “free speech.”
"So that's where I put my bug shaped hat." Jessie Krufts, Hat Collector
WASHINGTON, D.C. (The Adobo Chronicles ) - Following Wednesday's poorly-managed GOP presidential debate hosted by CNBC, Republican presidential candidate, now frontrunner, Ben Carson, demanded that the Republican National Committee (RNC) change the entire debate format starting with the November 10 debate in Milwaukee, Wisconsin. Carson told RNC that unless all his demands are met, he will…

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