“Good, Bobby.” Norquist patted his gimp’s masked head. He reached down a little further and opened the zipper over his gimp’s mouth. “Bobby … speak.”

I will be frank and to the point. If the Republican healthcare bill recently passed by the House of Representatives is signed into law in its current form, my child and most of my family will die.

Following the success of Secret Cinema, Extreme Cinema plans to take movie experience authenticity to the next level.

Fears that post-Brexit toilet paper shortages could lead to civil unrest. Government prepares plans for rationing (two sheets per dump) and martial law, while citizens explore potentially hazardous alternatives including newspaper and scouring pads.

That impatient douchebag repeatedly lurching into the intersection while waiting for a red light to turn green may be on to something, according to a study by the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration.

New York, New York – (satireworld.com)

Reports of bombshell allegations being thrown at Democratic presidential candidate Hillary Clinton concerning ailments that claim she suffers from and her reportedly ‘frequent and secret trips’ to Tijuana, Mexico while she prepared for the primary elections are circulating in media centers across the US.

NEW YORK CITY (The Barbed Wire) - In the Pinhead Segment tonight, Fox News host Bill O'Reilly has lost custody of his two teenage children after it was revealed he had a history of domestic violence in the family home. Both children, 13 and 17, expressed wishes to live with their mother.

Did the dinosaurs fart themselves into extinction? Top scientist sparks controversy with new theory that Jurassic giants own noxious emissions might have wiped them out by triggering catastrophic climate change.

In an effort to more thoroughly distract viewers from the myriad bombshell reports about President Donald Trump’s administration and campaign, the company that owns the conservative media outlet Fox News has launched a sister channel dedicated to airing old stories about Barack Obama, Bill and Hillary Clinton, and other despised Democrats.

Boston – (satireworld.com)
National Guard units seeking to confiscate a cache of recently banned assault weapons were ambushed on April 19 by elements of a para-military extremist faction. Military and law enforcement sources estimate that 72 were killed and more than 200 injured before government forces were compelled to withdraw.

As they watch the final season of Game of Thrones unfold, fans have begun freaking out in therapists offices across the nation that the show will end just like the Sopranos.

Washington DC: (satireworld.com)
On January 20, 2016 President Obama gave his seventh State of the Union (SOTU) address to a joint session of the Republican controlled Congress, the Supreme Court Justices, White House officials, invited guests, the news media and the American people.

Washington DC – (Satireworld)
‘Tuesday’s solar eclipse plus apocalyptic asteroids all over her birth chart,’ a soothsayer commented as hundreds of worried (sic) Americans jammed the Fright House switchboard following today’s announcement of the former Fist Lady’s death.

Eric Trump took home the first-ever Nobler Prize today, a new award invented by his father to recognize achievements in science that will be "much more prestigious" than the Nobel Prize, according to the President.

NEW YORK, New York (The Adobo Chronicles) - Starting in 2017, there will be no more New Year's Day kisses between CNN's Anderson Cooper and comedian Kathy Griffin. The two have been the most watched couple on television leading up to the New Year's Eve dropping of the ball in New York's Times Square. Cooper, who…

It is believed Gallagher was lured into the open with drugs and Hooch where he was shot at repeatedly.

West Palm Beach, FL – (satireworld.com)

The Palm Beach, FL Jewish community launched an all out search for D&C Charperson (sic) Debbie Wasserman Schultz after she went out ‘trick or treating’ Halloween night and never returned home!
The Palm Beach sheriff’s department announced a ‘Kinky Alert’ shortly after 4 days when her husband, who never noticed she was missing, finally called the local synagogue trying to find out if the marathon mahjong fund raiser for Obama had concluded!

Top political spin doctor laments lack of good sex scandals during Tory leadership contest. Contends that well-managed and carefully leaked affair can enhance candidate's standing with male voters who believe sexual prowess and virility translate into political competence and international statesmanship.

Scientists at JPL sheepishly murmured into a microphone about the existence of another reality where Donald Trump is an excellent U.S. president.

Brussels, Belgium, Arsehole Of The Universe – (SatireWorld.com)
Not since Ecuadorian madman Rafael Correa tried pissing all over Chevron in a corrupt $19bn racketeering lawsuit comprehensively shot down by the US courts has an American corporation been targeted so cynically by shady foreign chancers gunning for a heist.