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SEVASTOPOL, CRIMEA (The Nil Admirari) - Earlier today, Russian Television (RT) announced President Vladimir Putin had discovered the ancient lost city of Atlantis only 60 kilometers away from the Black Sea port city of Sevastopol. Putin was engaged in a routine provocative visit to the disputed territory of Crimea when he decided to use his master explorer skills to find Atlantis.
An avid subscriber to numerous conspiracy theories is challenging the government’s claim, as stated in countless highway signs across the country, that right lanes actually end.
The Oxford English Dictionary has announced that it is redefining the meaning of certain words in the light of their usage deviating from international variations. A spokesman added that the OED is ‘determined to embrace modern word usage, like totally’.
Living life as mosquito bait I love summer. And guess who else adores these balmy August days? The local mosquito population! When I step outside, if there’s a mosquito within miles, it will start heading in my direction — as will all of its brothers and sisters — eagerly anticipating a delicious snack.
Carrot after a recent arrest PAWNEE, Illinois--Two years ago Carrot, a seven-year-old Australian Shepherd mix, made national headlines when he was named as the sole beneficiary in the will of his owner, Mary Stewart, who left her entire $30 million estate to the dog.  This week Carrot was in the news again when it was…
NEW YORK, New York (The Adobo Chronicles® ) - Republican presidential candidate Donald Trump laid out his immigration policy last weekend: build a border wall paid for by Mexico, deport all of the 11 Million undocumented immigrants now in the U.S., and amend the constitution to re-define birthright citizenship. Today, Trump fired one of his employees,…
Have Experimental Autonomous Killer Drones Gone Rogue in UK? Government Denies Series of Attacks on Asian Businesses and 4x4 Dealerships Down to 'Rogue Reapers'.
"Did anybody count how many thin people were in that queue?" Jessie Krufts, Twitter Troll
THE WEST BANK, ISRAEL (The Nil Admirari) - Once again, Republican presidential candidate and former Governor of Arkansas Mike Huckabee escaped from Bellevue Hospital, and somehow ended up in Israel today. Huckabee's second vacation from mental health workers followed his statement about Israelis being led to ovens by President Obama due to the nuclear agreement his administration reached with Iran.
Vegas is currently giving Bobby Jindal 40:1 odds of winning. That actually sounds better than what I’d expected when I looked it up. But is it? Let’s look at some things that have a better chance of happening than Piyush winning the White House.
WASHINGTON, D.C.--Sources within the Obama administration confirmed today that the White House has purchased property insurance through State Farm that covers the entire state of Missouri.  The policy lists President Obama as the sole owner, and will only pay in the event of a total loss. "If the entire state were to become, let's say,…
In an open letter to the Royal Family, the world's paparazzi have demanded that Prince George stop ruining their attempts to photograph London's landscapes. The camera-obsessed child has repeatedly interrupted journalists, demanding they capture shots of his 'new gym bod' and telling them to 'hit like' if they think he's sexy.
Meet Generation Y, aka the Millennials. They answer every question with a shrug. They use sepia-toned Instagram filters to boost their confidence, and the only way to kill a vampire from this demographic is with a hand-carved mahogany stake. Yes, people, meet Generation Y, more commonly known as the Millennial Generation.
WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - Today, Democratic presidential candidate Senator Bernie Sanders (I-VT) slammed the Democratic Party, Republican Party, and corporate media for criticizing his decision to run as a Democrat when they were "absolutely responsible" for making any independent candidacy impossible. Sanders also mocked the two-party political system in the United States for being "a complete joke."
ATLANTA, Georgia (The Adobo Chronicles® ) - CNN was in full standby mode last weekend, with camera crews and news anchors ready to hit the airwaves at the first sign of violence  on opening night of the movie, "Straight Outta Compton." The film tells the story of the group N.W.A., a group from Compton, California that…
DES MOINES, IOWA (The Nil Admirari) - A senior official with Jeb Bush's Super PAC "Right to Rise USA" told TNA on the condition of anonymity today the $10 million-plus ad budget it had to make Jeb likable to Iowa's Republican caucus-goers was "way, way, way, way, too small." The Super PAC official added, "Jeb needs to stop hugging his brother George W. Bush's policies whenever he is asked about them, because that is not helping."
Philadelphia, PA –  After being given an 18th chance at being a starting quarterback in the NFL, Tim Tebow knows that this is a critical time for him to show what he can do.  Always the lightning rod, Tebow goes against most conventions people are comfortable with.  He flaunts his religious beliefs and doesn’t hide the fact that he’s left-handed.
WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - Earlier this morning, the Securities and Exchange Commission (SEC) confirmed a report from last week that it did not have the authority to prevent companies from engaging in stock buybacks. SEC Chair Mary Jo White assured Americans they would all become well-acquainted with what stock buybacks were "when the economy tanks again, basically due to the same type of stock market manipulation and lack of government regulation that caused it the last time."
NEW YORK CITY--Sean Hannity, host of the Fox News program Hannity, shocked his legions of fans today when he revealed that he has been diagnosed with an extremely rare and chronic form of stupidity.  Hannity said the stupidity was at such an advanced stage when it was discovered that there is very little that can…
John Prescott has declined the role of James Bond because he felt the role was 'a bit sexist' and 'lacked the scholasticated gravitas' he would naturally bring to any performance, despite the inevitability of any public ballot for the role means that fans will overwhelmingly vote for him, particularly the ladies.

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