The World Health Organization formally announced the eradication of Rubella today, a death knell to a virus that has taken several human lives throughout the ages.

"We've been planning this for about two hundred years, but we had to get the caves ready to live in - so, we're just finally starting to move down there."

Transexual fish-people could be behind much of the pro-vaccine propaganda currently circulating throughout the mainstream media, a disturbing new report on Facebook claims.

Celery juice, as Instagrammers know, is full of miraculous surprises. I, for one, was surprised at how many solids I had while on my month-long green juice fast.

According to hospital spokesman Gary Templeton, the seven-pound, eight-ounce child shot his way out of his mother's uterus prior to engaging in a firefight with his obstetrician and police officers already at the scene.

Hugh Humphries went out to dinner with his family last night to a place they commonly frequent. He ordered a salad. Everything went downhill from there.

Facing a steep decline in bookings for facials, spa owners across the country sought to reassure the public that there is nothing wrong with moisturizing.

Were Defence Secretary Gavin Williamson’s latest policy initiatives inspired by watching children’s TV? Worst Defence Secretary ever's plans for moonbase and interceptors to combat future alien threat allegedly ripped off from Gerry Anderson TV shows.

Is Jeff Bezos' penis about to bring down Trump? Amazon boss calls Trump-supporting tabloid's bluff, daring them to publish illicitly obtained 'below the belt' photos of the billionaire. Does 'smoking wang' point toward President?

Fears that post-Brexit toilet paper shortages could lead to civil unrest. Government prepares plans for rationing (two sheets per dump) and martial law, while citizens explore potentially hazardous alternatives including newspaper and scouring pads.

In the midst of President Trump's declared emergency over a southern border wall, sleeper cells of Hispanic day laborers have reportedly begun activating throughout California's Central Valley to perform work in the state's agricultural industry.

Saying he was only just getting started, Robert Mueller released the first of 973 leather-bound volumes detailing Americans' deplorable disregard for the rule of law, and subsequent decent into total decadency. Now available at Barnes and Noble.

Area father, Rich Stout, has been in the spotlight recently for something that he says he’s been working on for a number of years: his impressive belly.

Washington – Two important details have emerged from the recently discovered secret meeting between Donald Trump and Vladimir Putin.

Saying it's been hanging over his head for months, Robert Mueller started cranking out that report he's been putting off, which is due like really, really soon.

Actress and former 'Saved by the Bell' and 'Beverly Hills 90210' star Tiffani Amber Thiessen has reportedly cancelled plans to play herself in a real-life drama where she was to be kidnapped and held for ransom by bikers.

Just one year after lifting a nationwide ban against women operating motor vehicles, the Saudi Arabian government is rescinding those privileges after a lady driver was observed making an illegal turn coming out of a shopping center in Riyadh Wednesday.

A new study showing worldwide suicide rates falling dramatically between the year 2001 and 2018 has left many researchers scratching their heads.

Here's all you have to do: go to your doctor right after you sell your house and tell him, “I want The Khloe Kardashian, please!” Your life, body, nose, eye, lip, face, and butt will never be the same.

Increasingly frustrated with congress' inaction on his initiatives, President Trump ordered the National Guard to begin work on an eight-story cheeseburger.