Don’t panic! There are many things you can do to make the day educational, fun, and tolerable. The key is optimism and planning!

LAS VEGAS -- Although sparing readers the graphic details, Piper "Pips" Waspinger leaves no doubt that when the voting booth curtain closes, her genitalia will push Hillary Clinton's button. After reading Waspinger’s recent article, "I Am Voting With My Vagina," I caught up with her in Nevada, site of the next Democratic primary.

Dallas, Texas – (satireworld.com)
Rockers Lee Harvey Oswald and Jack Ruby have a few kind words for their fans…’We love you guys!’ Ever since the rock group ‘The Lee Harvey Oswald Band’ was formed fifty years ago, success still seems to have followed them wherever they play.

A lot of the city reeked of young white people trying to make up for things earlier generations did, but only because they still want to feel superior to someone.

I don’t want a governor who offers doomsday scenarios. I just want a governor who will tell me “It’s a great day for Louisiana,” like Bobby Jindal did.

Former A-list Hollywood star Val Kilmer is thinking about joining the recent trend of washed-up and lesser-known celebrities gaining attention for claiming the Earth is not round.

LAS VEGAS, Nevada (The Adobo Chornicles, San Francisco Bureau) - When Manny Pacquiao meets Timothy Bradley, Jr. for the third time on April 9 at the MGM Grand in Las Vegas, he will be met by a picket line by the homophobic hate group Westboro Baptist Church (WBC). WBC is known for its rhetoric against homosexuals and has…

Washington DC – (satireworld)

Chief Justice John Roberts, 97, and fellow associate justice Ruth Bader ‘Meinhof’ Ginsburg, 104, will be tested this evening amid growing concerns neither ‘has shown much sign of life’ ever since colleague Antonin Scalia was found RIP on Saturday.

Sunny Weathers tells how hooking up with a fat girl got him out of a ticket, and Adam Wilson reveals the story behind a still-running, decadelong private joke.

Comedian Evan Rabalais joins Jeremy and Sunny to talk about white guilt and the most wretched hive of scum and villainy in Baton Rouge.

Wondering what to do with the extra day we get this month? Knick Moore offers a dozen ways to improve yourself that can all be accomplished in a day or less.

Facing more looming, drastic cuts to higher education by state leaders, LSU administrators are looking to enact some creative ways to generate additional revenue, such as imposing fees to enter restroom stalls equipped with holes used for anonymous sex.

WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - Today, far-right radio personalities claimed the death of Justice Antonin Scalia was part of an elaborate plan concocted by the White House to appoint a liberal replacement to the Supreme Court. The notable far-right rabble rousers asserted Scalia was assassinated by a government-brainwashed bald eagle, which stealthily entered Scalia's room, suffocated him with his own pillow, and hastily flew back outside to freedom.

In a study carried out among NHS staff and patients, medical researchers have found that Hunt's Syndrome, an affliction caused by ill-thought out ideas and unbridled ambition, has increased by 20% in the last year alone.

The news doesn’t need to be complicated and confusing; that’s what any new release from Microsoft is for. And, as in the case with anything from Microsoft, to keep the news from worrying our pretty little heads over, remember something new and equally indecipherable...

"Hmm. Is there a doggie wine list at the restaurant? Or do they always have water but they can choose the bowl?" Fred Flunkee, Dogger

What will you do if you’re on the Supreme Court? That’s the question President Obama is asking the nation’s schoolchildren to answer in an unprecedented drawing contest to find the next justice.

Washington, DC – (satireworld.com)


Tiny, rolling balls of brain cells knocking around in a lab may one day help keep Bernie Saunders supporters from losing their place while reading the back of cereal boxes, staring at shiny objects, and other attention robbing activities that quickly spiral out of control causing deeply troubling illusions of winning an election using promises and an agenda that became stale back in 1917.

WASHINGTON, D.C. (The Adobo Chronicles, Washington Bureau)-  Donald Trump must be celebrating in his Penthouse Suite at the Trump Towers tonight after an article published in a non-partisan website, Family Security Matters, claimed that not only is Senator Ted Cruz not a natural-born citizen but that he also entered the U.S. illegally in 1974. Read the article…