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WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - Today, Republican presidential candidate and former Governor of Texas Rick Perry announced he will be swapping his reading glasses for a monocle and a smoking pipe. The move was characterized by political observers as Perry conceding the reading glasses had failed to make him appear more intelligent to Americans.
SILICON VALLEY,  California (The Adobo Chronicles®) - A plan backed by venture capitalist Tim Draper to split California into six states has gained enough signatures to make the November 2016 ballot, the plan's backers say. On Tuesday, Draper told USA Today the campaign had garnered 1.3 million signatures, well over the approximately 808,000 needed. The signatures…
WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - Earlier this evening, Republican presidential candidate Senator Lindsey Graham (R-SC) released 394 cockfighting videos allegedly related to an illegal cockfighting and gambling ring run by Donald Trump - another Republican presidential candidate. Trump quickly denied any role in illegal cockfighting or gambling, and said he "loves cocks" and would never put two roosters into a cockpit to brawl.
Battling cancer since he was five, Jake Doughty's illness never gave him a chance to go hunting or even fire a gun, but the 10 year-old still managed to take down a white tail buck before he died Monday.
Batavia, IL –  Researchers from a lab in Batavia recently reported that the number of pills in the world are quickly overtaking the human population.  For every one person, there are approximately six pills floating somewhere out there in the world.
HOLLYWOOD (TheSkunk.org) — Even the best of the best falter from time to time. Audience reaction to Steven Spielberg’s latest film, The Ride of Paul Revere, which debuted in selected theaters on Friday, was anger and confusion over sitting through a two-hour movie that was shot with the camera in the vertical, or “portrait,” format.
ITV has apologised for atrocities it committed in the 1970s, including Love Thy Neighbour and On The Buses.
Wake up, America! Open your eyes and look around! This country has gone from the cock of the walk to a bantamweight under this president!
MANILA, Philippines (The Adobo Chronicles®) - A bi-partisan majority of members of the Philippines' House of Representatives and Senate have rejected a second term for President NoyNoyAquino, or his successors. The constitution limits the presidential term to six years with no re-election. There has been a lot of speculation that the Aquino camp was trying to…
Israel’s intelligence service Mossad has confirmed that a former prominent Nazi who was abducted by agents over the weekend is Britain’s Queen Elizabeth II.
"Shame the black guy with a similar YouTube channel was shot dead by the police for that though. It looks sooo much like a gun..." Jessie Krufts, Police Commissioner
Stamford, CT –  Lizzy Morgan is a normal 6 year old girl who loves her chicken.  “She’s kind of a picky eater,” says Mom.  “The one thing she will eat religiously is chicken. 
NEW YORK CITY (The Barbed Wire) - Because of his thoughtless comments about senator John McCain being captured during the Vietnam war, Republican Party Chairman, Reince Priebus, has ordered that presidential candidate Donald Trump be held in a broom closet for one year to learn some empathy for what Mr. McCain went through.
In a bid to save the second test against Australia, England has upped-stumps and moved the match to St Andrews Golf Course.
LAS VEGAS, Nevada (The Adobo Chronicles® ) - In a crowded field of 37 declared, exploratory and potential Republican candidates for U.S. president, someone has to win the party nomination. And someone has to be declared the best clown . Or both. Donald Trump has graciously offered his colleagues an opportunity for a paid gig at…
CAMBRIDGE, MASSACHUSETTS (The Nil Admirari) - The Massachusetts Institute of Technology (MIT) today released the results of its "President Trump Simulations." The university announced that in 97.9% of simulations, any meeting between a President Trump and a foreign official resulted in a war.
Following scathing criticism for having said “all lives matter” to Black Lives Matter activists, Martin O’Malley has clarified his position about whose lives actually matter.
"The military uses for this are endless. Especially for crazy bald bad guys with cats." Jessie Krufts, James Bond Impersonator
WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - A clearly drunk Speaker of the House John Boehner (R-OH) announced today he purchased a controlling interest in the Ernest & Julio Gallo Winery. Boehner purchased 51% of the winery because it produced the jugs of Carlo Gallo Chablis he liked.

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