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“It’s really awesome because it’s got tons of me in it!” says Matt Damon as he described his latest film to a group of fawning journalists during a press briefing earlier today organized by his production company Matt Damon Is God Productions.
WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - Today, Democratic presidential candidate and former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton criticized rival Senator Bernie Sanders of Vermont for giving poor and middle class Americans "too much attention." Clinton argued Sanders was risking not only her ascension to the presidency, but the livelihoods of her friends on Wall Street by letting the poor and what's left of the middle class foolishly think they had "a chance in hell" of reversing growing income inequality.
The Chairman of Waitrose PLC today returned from the Munich headquarters of German supermarket chain Lidl, announcing that he had secured an agreement that would ensure ‘no price war in our time’.
“Politicon” is a nonpartisan comic-con style event for politics and entertainment. LONG BEACH, CA — Attendees at this weekend’s Long Beach Comic-Con were treated to a cosplay flashmob performance by past performers of “So You Thing You Can Dance” to promote the upcoming “Politicon,” a nonpartisan comic-con style event for politics and entertainment.
SIMI VALLEY, California (The Adobo Chronicles® ) - Last July, Treasury Secretary Jack Lew announced plans for a redesign of the $10 bill, marking the first time in more than a century that a woman will be featured on a U.S. bill. The newly designed $10 bill will be issued by 2020—in time for the 100th anniversary…
SIMI VALLEY, CALIFORNIA (The Nil Admirari) - Tonight, Republican presidential candidates said a bunch of stuff to an audience that thought it knew a bunch of stuff. The candidate who led in the polls prior to the debate was the target of all the other candidates, who gave vague answers to softball questions while Americans outside of Ronald Reagan's shrine continued to suffer from more than three decades of trickle-down economics.
Dan Sparks of Falls Church, Virginia is full of surprises. Unfortunately, as far as his wife of fifty-one years is concerned, they always involve his penis.
Air Force One at the Reagan Presidential Library in Simi Valley, CA has been replaced by Donald Trump's private helicopter as the background for the CNN GOP debate. Reports are still coming in, however, word is that Trump purchased the retired Air Force One shortly before the debate and will re-wrap it in Viva Trump decals and park it along the California-Mexico border.
HONOLULU, Hawaii  (The Adobo Chronicles® ) - Michael Sam, Jr. may be the first openly-gay player in professional football in the U.S., but Hawaii's Warriors are the first-ever, all-gay team in college football. The University of Hawaii team players recently unveiled their retro uniforms which they wore during last Saturday's game against Ohio State. The…
WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - A TNA study released today showed 98.6% of Donald Trump's supporters were unable to spell or define "xenophobia." The study also showed roughly the same results for those who were asked to spell or define "authoritarianism."
“Good, Bobby.” Norquist patted his gimp’s masked head. He reached down a little further and opened the zipper over his gimp’s mouth. “Bobby … speak.”
Is main bidder for BBC weather forecasting contract involved in manipulating weather to fix outcome of sporting events for shady Far Eastern betting syndicates? Amazing claims made by investigative journalist!
MOREHEAD, KENTUCKY (The Nil Admirari) - Today, Republican presidential candidate and former Governor of Arkansas Mike Huckabee announced the Confederate States of America never officially surrendered during the Civil War and still existed. Huckabee's declaration followed his assertion earlier in the week the Supreme Court's 1857 Dred Scott ruling remained "the law of the land" in a sophomoric comparison to the Supreme Court's recent ruling legalizing same-sex marriage.
MENLO PARK, California (The Adobo Chronicles® ) - Today's big news was about Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg's announcement that the social media network is finally bringing in a 'dislike' button after resisting the suggestion from users for many years. The announcement was met with mixed reaction -- many approving but an equal number fearing that the…
We’re absolutely appalled by a report that a so-called “journalist” dared to accost Vitter with persistent questions about his history with prostitutes.
I’ve never believed in all that climate change mess, but now that weather made LSU cancel a football game for the first time since World War I, I’m beginning to wonder if it’s real.
WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - Today, Democratic presidential candidate and former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton announced she only planned to make one or two mistakes like her 2002 vote to give Republican President George W. Bush the authority to invade Iraq. Clinton assured Americans she would apologize "extremely sincerely" for an inevitable future mistake or two that could be compared to the costly war with, and subsequent occupation of, Iraq.
Enraged by a painting of his face made with the artist's own menstrual blood, Trump reportedly painted a mockery of menstruation made with his own face.
MENLO PARK, California (The Adobo Chronicles®) - During a Q&A session at Facebook headquarters Tuesday, Mark Zuckerberg announced that a "dislike" button is finally coming to the social-media network. "I think people have asked about the dislike button for many years.  Today is a special day because today is the day I can say we're working…
BATON ROUGE, LOUISIANA (The Nil Admirari) - Today, a Louisiana man who turned a nearly $1 billion surplus into a $1.5 billion deficit in less than two terms in office called Republican presidential candidate and billionaire Donald Trump a "delusional sociopath." TNA has learned the man's name is Piyush "Bobby" Jindal - Governor of Louisiana and yet another Republican presidential candidate - who embraced trickle-down economics in his state, caused massive damage to Louisiana's economy, and told Americans as recently as ten minutes ago he was "the best person to be the next president."

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