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SEEKONK, MASSACHUSETTS (The Nil Admirari) - Today, a Massachusetts man who identified himself as "a hugely patriotic American" accused President Obama of acting like Hitler for forcing states to take Syrian refugees fleeing from the Islamic State. Thomas Basil, a construction worker and married father of two, subsequently told TNA he supported the idea of forcing Muslims in the United States to wear badges that identify them as Muslims - an idea endorsed by Republican presidential candidate and loose cannon billionaire Donald Trump.
Las Vegas,  NV—It’s been awhile since I’ve paid homage to the Guinness Gods, but I wish I was returning to this topic under better circumstances. I bring terrible news. It’s not about the Mets; it’s much worse. Guinness is taking the trace amounts of fish bladder from their famous malt-roasted magic. I know, I know,…
They come in their dozens to lay cards and wreaths at the site of the crash. Among them, some simple pansies tied to a fence with a card bearing the single inscription 'why?' Next to that, another card with what appears to be the explanation 'Because he walked into the path of a lorry'.
HT Exclusive: We have the Putin and Assad transcript! A most intriguing phone call between the two most-beloved dictators in the world.
CHICAGO, Illinois (The Adobo Chronicles) - Last year, Miley Cyrus sparked outrage with her Bangerz tour when she groped backup dancers and encouraged the audience to smoke marijuana. But on Thursday night, the former Disney star upped her on-stage antics, kicking off her Dead Petz club gigs in Chicago with a big bang. In one number, Cyrus…
Publicly embarrassed by a toxic spill caused by its own negligent actions, the EPA took to the offensive today, seeing no other way to save face. They have provided America with a list of demands and have threatened that more rivers are going to “get the Animas treatment” unless
Presidential hopeful, Donald Trump, continues to confound Americans with his approach in gaining the highest office in the land.  Whether it’s deporting 11 million people or convincing us the mop on his head is real, Trump continues to win over voters. 
WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - Earlier today, Democratic presidential candidate and former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton announced she was drafting all of her campaign donors between the ages of 18 and 25 for ground combat roles in the war she planned to fight against the Islamic State (ISIS) following her inauguration in 2017. Clinton touted her gender inclusiveness in the process, and noted both men and women were being automatically volunteered for military service to fight in her future Middle East wars of choice.
PARIS -- One week after terrorist attacks shook the city at its core, the inhabitants of Paris are heeding calls by political leaders and are again having passionate, non-stop sex.
Following on from the news that Prime Minister David Cameron and his senior ministers are to get their own plane for official trips, Downing Street have also announced a flurry of new ministerial vehicles.

All senior ministers will have access to a fleet of Maybach chauffeur driven cars (provided by Knight enterprises); a refitted train (believed to be formerly the Hogwarts express); a luxury ministerial yacht and speedboat; a number of 'Airwolf' helicopters; and Thunderbird 2.
TURKEY (The Barbed Wire) - Sticking to his strategy of no "boots on the ground" in the fight against ISIS, President Obama now says he is examining what he called "an interesting option" that could potentially take the place of his current strategy, which is military paralysis.
MANILA, Philippines (The Adobo Chronicles) - There were only twenty world leaders  who showed up at the welcome rites for the Asia Pacific Economic Cooperation Summit Meeting Wednesday afternoon. There should have been  twenty one. Missing was U.S. President Barack Obama. In a statement explaining Obama's absence, a spokesperson for the U.S. Embassy in Manila said…
FLORIDA (The Barbed Wire) - With his campaign having as much traction as a three-legged cat trying to bury a turd on a frozen pond, Jeb! Bush is seeing the writing on the wall and starting to plan for life after presidential politics.
WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - Today, the corporate media in the United States urged Americans "to remember how wicked awesome and fun" going to war was when President George W. Bush invaded Iraq in 2003 with absolutely no plan for what to do afterward. For those unconvinced, spurious corporate journalists like everyone on Fox News and CNN's Wolf Blitzer spent the day fearmonging, and interviewed a slew of pro-war guests to convince Americans the Islamic State (ISIS) was so scary the United States must immediately send ground troops back to the Middle East.
Washington—Congress has advanced a bill encouraging people from war-ravaged parts of the Middle East to: “Stay the F put and make the best of it.” This bill also caps the number of refugees arriving from this region of the world to four. Those four lucky new Americans must agree to be blessed with Holy Water as…
Fresh from the triumph of its new XJ42 Infinibook, Texas computer outfit Dell has announced it has bought UK singing sensation Adele.
Adele's new album, 25, is set to be so enormous new words will have to be made up to explain just how big it is, according to music insiders today.
There is no greater assault on a nation whose foundations are built on the concept of liberty than to attack it when it’s fully expressing that very liberty, engaged in pursuit of the simplest, everyday pleasures.
NEW YORK, New York (The Adobo Chronicles) - In less than 24 hours after revealing its choice for 2015 'Sexiest Man Alive,'  People magazine revised its verdict and made it a three-way tie. Earlier, People named former soccer star David Becham to this year's much-coveted title.  But as the magazine cover featuring the 40-year-old global superstar was about…

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