The austerity plan is due to be kicked up several notches when Osborne officially announces the next budget. All tax will be completely abolished in return for nobody receiving anything from the government.
COLUMBIA, South Carolina (The Adobo Chronicles, Washington Bureau) - Republican Senator Lindsey Graham today officially endorsed Hillary Clinton to be the next president of the United States. The former presidential candidate from South Carolina surprised both Democrats and Republicans with his announcement as he made a scathing criticism of GOP frontrunners Donald Trump and Ted Cruz,…
WORCESTER, MA (The Barbed Wire) - Mitt Romney made it clear last week how much he hates Donald Trump, and he even went so far as to tell voters not to vote for him - despite praising Trump's endorsement of Romney himself in 2012. Republicans feel blessed to have an establishment oracle as wise and all-knowing as two-time presidential loser Romney.
WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - Earlier today, Democratic presidential candidate and former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton accused U.S. Senator Bernie Sanders of Vermont - her sole Democratic rival - of sexism for his conduct in last night's debate in Flint, Michigan. Clinton asserted Sanders' refusal to allow her to interrupt him while he was speaking showed him to be an unabashed sexist.
Chicago – (SatireWorld.com)
On a recent installment of the Jerry Springer Show, Mildred Dredge recalled her lifelong battle of being overweight and how it has affected her recent marriage, At age two she was 79 pounds. By age four she was 123 pounds, by age 16 she teetered on 378 pounds and was still gaining. When she reached the serious dating age of 22, Mildred discovered a real man in her life, Elmer Pickle, and they were married after a whirlwind romance.
On a recent installment of the Jerry Springer Show, Mildred Dredge recalled her lifelong battle of being overweight and how it has affected her recent marriage, At age two she was 79 pounds. By age four she was 123 pounds, by age 16 she teetered on 378 pounds and was still gaining. When she reached the serious dating age of 22, Mildred discovered a real man in her life, Elmer Pickle, and they were married after a whirlwind romance.
MEXICO CITY, Mexico (The Adobo Chronicles) - Legislators in Mexico City passed a proposal asking the federal government to ban Republican presidential candidate Donald Trump from entering the country, citing his repeated anti-Mexican and anti-immigrant comments. The proposal was approved unanimously, according to Deputy José Manuel Delgadillo of the conservative National Action Party. Taking its cue…
Polls today reveal, unambiguously, a majority in favour of 'turning the f@cking telly off' the instant any EU debate is aired. Initially, such reactions were only common when the any of the 'Out' proponents appeared, due to fact that they were a 'monster's ball of thunderc$nts' and to the annoyance factor of the word 'Brexit'.
What? Too soon?
by Michael Egan.Spooky former Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia admitted from Purgatory that his ‘Originalist’ theories were just ‘arglebargle, applesauce and jiggery-pokery.’ PURGATORY – Demands by the Heritage Foundation that late Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia be permitted to vote “from beyond the grave” have been unexpectedly realized. However, the Foundation is unlikely to be pleased. A [more...]Subscribe to our monthly Humor Times magazine here, available worldwide, in print or digital format.
GUANTANAMO BAY, Cuba—Critics of President Barack Obama’s inaction on his long-promised plan to close the federal detention center here were overjoyed at the news last week that the prison, commonly referred to as Gitmo, will cease operations by the end of the year. But new concerns arose when it was announced that the first stage…
Juarez, Mexico – (satireworld.com)
A Mexican distillery in Oaxaca has promised to make the world’s largest bottle of Mescal after obtaining the corpse of the world’s largest worm. Artie, the grandson of Jeff the Subway worm from Men in Black II, was recently killed in a subway collision and his body will be preserved in the agave based liquor famous for containing a Mexican worm.
A Mexican distillery in Oaxaca has promised to make the world’s largest bottle of Mescal after obtaining the corpse of the world’s largest worm. Artie, the grandson of Jeff the Subway worm from Men in Black II, was recently killed in a subway collision and his body will be preserved in the agave based liquor famous for containing a Mexican worm.
WASHINGTON, D.C. (The Adobo Chronicles, Washington Bureau) - Just hours after it was announced that former First Lady Nancy Reagan has died, Republicans have come to the conclusion that Donald Trump's wife, Melania, can never be First Lady. Not that the GOPers are discounting the possibility that Trump could be elected the next president of the…
If you hear a buzzing outside your window that sounds like a swarm of bees, don't worry. It's likely just a surveillance drone attempting to record you while you masturbate.
At the end of the ceremony celebrating his marriage to Jerry Hall, and as is traditional in his marriage ceremonies, Rupert Murdoch unfurled his long leathery wings and scooped up a visually shocked Hall in his feet claws and flew off to his mountain lair. Guests and press remarked on Mr Murdoch's youthful vigour that far belied his advancing years as he circled the venue letting loose his blood-curdling scream.
Tunisa—A Nigerian man with the unfortunate name Zika Ebola is on a permanent layover in a Tunisian airport. Despite requesting full screenings and medical examinations, no one will come within ten feet of Mr. Ebola. Even Zika-sniffing dogs, usually employed in these situations, are just whimpering and trying to scramble up the baggage chutes. Mr. Ebola has yet to be cleared to leave the Tunis-Carthage International…
Reading magazines this week, I learned that: Every 34 seconds, someone in the U.S. has a heart attack. (AARP Magazine 3/16) Mike Love is considered one of the biggest assholes in the history of rock & roll. (Rolling Stone, 2/26/16) At least half a dozen people have tried to kill Michael Moore. (Rolling Stone, 2/26/16)
Donald Trump, the failed University lecturer, has the heaviest supporters of all US political parties, scales showed last night.
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