Everybody knows that different gemstones, power phrases, colors, handshakes, and non-GMO crystals are associated with the various signs of the Zodiac. Only the elevated stargazer, however, can see the relationships among certain paraphernalia and Zodiac signs.

Concerns about the value of Wal-Mart stock going forward from the El Paso shootings have decimated company morale, threatened the social fabric of many small communities, and led thousands of Wal-Mart employees to seek other career paths.

Though details have yet to emerge, it can be deduced that the 79 year-old Easy Rider star was one of possibly a dozen or more residents and staff killed when an as-yet identified shooter stormed the nursing home in which he was living and opened fire with a high-powered assault rifle.

"For years and years the White Aryan race has been loosing power to the mongrel races. This must stop!" So begins the manifesto of Aiden Vogel, a 22 year-old White Supremacist who attempted to commit a mass shooting outside a Denver-area Lowes this week, calling into serious question not only his own supremacy, but that of Anglo Americans in general.

NEW YORK, New York (The Adobo Chronicles, Manila Bureau) - "Enough is enough!" With these words, the United Nations General Assembly voted unanimously to move its headquarters out of New York and into New Zealand. The unprecedented move was prompted by the most recent mass shootings in the United States which have put the number to…

Top political spin doctor laments lack of good sex scandals during Tory leadership contest. Contends that well-managed and carefully leaked affair can enhance candidate's standing with male voters who believe sexual prowess and virility translate into political competence and international statesmanship.

Did President Trump's German relative play crucial role in Allied victory in World War Two? New book claims General Von Trumpenhoffer advised Fuhrer D Day invasion was 'Fake News', ensuring reinforcements not sent. Also told Hitler to build wall to keep out Russians and suggested suing Allies for bomb damage.

Can the Campaign for Real Ale tell the difference between effluent and craft beer? While real ale buffs enthuse over new brew, micro brewery owner accused of brewing unreal ales from raw sewage as part of revenge plot for loss of local pub.

Are straight US men being turned gay through so-called 'Perversion Therapy'? Notorious tabloid claims liberal conspiracy to boost number of homosexuals in order for US to meet UN mandated minorities quotas. Claims condemned as right wing propaganda intended to distract from 'Conversion Therapy' scandal.

Is poverty too good for the poor? Extraordinary claims of well off City-types who engage in poverty role play. Buying up slums to revel in supposedly stress free, irresponsible lives of the poor, in order to relieve the ennui of their privileged lives.

Somehow left empowered to determine highly impactful fiscal policy over the world's largest economy, the ape, which is actually a rare species of short-armed orangutan, sent global markets reeling this morning after a year-long temper tantrum culminated in the Chinese devaluing their currency.

A research article appearing in this month's first-ever issue of Ladies Science reveals that ocassional butt play can significantly reduce a woman's chances of developing butt cancer.

A staunch advocate of Trump's policies and avid follower of his Twitter feed, Morales has dedicated the last two-and-a-half years to taking his first steps towards becoming a US citizen "the right way" - including learning English from none other than the President himself.

Local grandmother of six Carol Macey was made the victim of a public grandma-shaming at the home of one of her three daughters Saturday, the 75 year-old has reported.

Abruptly snatched from the eternal netherworld, former British leader Winston Churchill was reincarnated recently as a bloke from the pub down the street.

Commenting that, "It was just time," Paul family spokesperson Robin Paul thanked her son for the 34 years he's spent as a son, father, husband and sibling to her and her husband Charles, his brother C.J., his wife Jada and their two children.

BERKELEY, California (The Adobo Chronicles, San Francisco Bureau) - One of the most liberal cities in the U.S. of A. is getting rid of the pronouns “he” and “she.” In a move that tops all gender-neutral initiatives, the City of Berkeley is now asking its citizens to start referring to people as “it. Talk about equality…

MANILA, Philippines (The Adobo Chronicles, Manila Bureau) - Philippine President Rodrigo Duterte knows that no one is above the law, so he voluntarily paid a P100,000 fine for violating a law he signed three months ago. The law is the ‘Anti-bastos’ law which imposes stiffer penalties on a range of acts from catcalling, sexist slurs, stalking and…

In a dramatic turn of events surrounding the case against Jeffrey Epstein, the billionaire financier walked free from a Manhattan courthouse Thursday afternoon as charges of conspiracy and evidence tampering were being filed against each of his accusers.

WASHINGTON, D.C. (The Adobo Chronicles, Washington Bureau) - Beauty lies in the beholder, and U.S. President Donald Trump is a beholder of beauty.  After all, he used to own the Miss Universe Organization the world’s premium international beauty pageant. Now, Trump appears to be employing some beauty pageant diplomacy in his nomination for the next U.S.…