WASHINGTON (The Barbed Wire) - Hillary Clinton is trying to become the first woman president. If she were a likable person, that would be one thing. She's not though, and that's why America needs to understand - Hillary would not be the Mother of the country, she would be the Mother-in-Law (MIL) of the country.

MANILA, Philippines (The Adobo Chronicles, Manila Bureau) - Filipinos are known to be devout Catholics and they look to the sky for divine intervention. On a clear, warm Sunday, as people were coming out of church services, a sign from the heavens appeared in the sky over most of Metro Manila. It was a cloud formation…

LePage continued, "And I don't believe it is the government's job to provide life-prolonging services to its citizens, because those services are costly and do not change the fact everyone is going to die at some point."

A man has been faced with the Herculean task of choosing to mourn the passing of a celebrity on social media.
Simon Williams, from Great Yarmouth, had to take a whole day off work to make the decision.

Nefarious political critters are scrambling, backed into a corner by the “Panama Papers” It’s always educational to observe the behavior of wildlife in their natural habitat. For example, we learn that there’s nothing more vicious than a wild animal that’s cornered. I would add that there’s nothing more devious than a top political or corporate...

Dave ran his typical 5k around a local park and whipped out his phone to check his time, as he does after every run. But this time, something told him not to share it with all his friends on Facebook and Twitter.

LONDON, United Kingdom (The Adobo Chronicles, Berlin Bureau) - As she celebrated her 90th birthday, Queen Elizabeth had a message to Great Britain's LGBT community: don't travel to the U.S.A. The gay-friendly queen mother was reportedly pissed at the growing anti-LGBT sentiment in America, particularly in two states which recently passed discriminatory legislation against those who…

Pop music superstar Madonna says that she is left feeling “disquieted” whenever one of her peers dies, and that at such times she cannot help but to imagine her own death in 75 to 100 years’ time.

The simpering population of the UK turned out in dozens yesterday to mark the birth of yet another lizard overlord. Obsequious to the point of nausea, the people of Britain displayed their loyalty by kowtowing, making a kissing sound and letting the Queen 'rub their tummy'.

My friend Pokey has some concerns about our cultural identity, our withering values, and our founding documents. Just stop following me on Twitter, dude. Start there.  Pokey’s so concerned about the Constitution that he’s considering voting for a fascist to defend it. He’s so concerned about our cultural identity that he’ll champion bigots and zealots. Cultural Identity Disorder?…

Kiki, the Bronx Zoo orangutan identified by TV theologian and horticulturalist Bill Maher as the biological father of Donald Trump, signaled by hand today that he is “in total..."

Police raided the Kill Your Dad brewery in East London after local residents complained of meowing and an eggy stench coming from the main building.

Doctors will see their contracts terminated and replaced with the very best Operation players from around the country. This will be decided in a round-robin style tournament that will be televised on ITV and be presented by Ant & Dec.

An unusually jovial Prince Charles is reassuring fans that he is healthy and in good spirits, just in case anyone erroneously feared that he was unwell or had even passed away, according to reports.

"It's insane how many branches of government we have in this crooked country. I think there's three, and I can't name any of them, and maybe that's the point. The government is so huge that I can't figure out how it works, or what any part of it does," declared Trump to a cheering crowd of civically ignorant patriots.

In what is seen as a ‘tat for tit’ retribution for the US State denouncing pornography as a public health risk; those in the sex industry have labelled Utah a ‘hazard to getting laid’. With a population 63% Mormon, Utah has been accused of being a natural barrier to multiple orgasms, although most polygamous residents have no problem achieving ‘simultaneous wives’.

Bohemian Monarchy?

For health reasons, I must drastically reduce my salt intake. My sister laughed out loud when I told her that one of the few things I could do about the Meniere’s Disease that I’d just been diagnosed with was to drastically reduce my salt intake. Why? I’ve been known all my life for over-salting...

‘There’s a lot of pressure on us in this draft now,’ said Browns GM Sashi Brown. ‘It’s going to be difficult to miss on every selection but I’m sure we’ll find a way.’

"America needs to make sure the weapons it is selling Saudi Arabia are helping the kingdom stifle the most basic freedoms inside its despotic kingdom, and allow it to better support Sunni extremists across the world," announced Obama, who noted Hillary Clinton aggressively sold weapons to the Saudis as U.S. Secretary of State.