ST. TROPEZ, France (The Adobo Chronicles, Berlin Bureau) - As presidential candidate and frontrunner Donald Trump inches closer and closer to the Republican nomination, his ex-wife Ivana is preparing to file in a lawsuit in the event that Trump is elected president. In her draft lawsuit, Ivana claims she should become First Lady if Trump becomes…

Villanova won the big college basketball tournament last night after throwing the ball through the hoop the most.

SILVER SPRING, MD (The Barbed Wire) - The Food and Drug Administration (FDA) has recently given approval for what doctors hope is the next great advancement in the sleeping aid category, and this one is cheap, non-addictive, and highly effective. Psychiatrists have known for several years that watching or listening to a speech given by Hillary Clinton will make most people drowsy in about 5 minutes.

WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - Today, Republican presidential frontrunner and pumpkin-hued billionaire Donald Trump announced he was relaunching Trump University with the mission of teaching American women their place. Senior political observers characterized Trump's move as the candidate's way of apologizing for saying American women should be punished if they have an abortion.

In an effort to cut down on postage, HM Revenue & Customs have decided to move closer to where the UK’s richest claim to live – the Cayman Islands, Bermuda and Chipping Norton. Disclosure that billions of untaxed revenue has been channelled to Panama reminds us of Matthew 19:24: ‘It is easier for a canal...

Putin Denies Employing “Morning After” Drone.

by Stubhill News.Demand seen as part of a trend of bands suggesting songs for politicians like Ted Cruz to use, rather than just demanding they stop using certain tunes. Radiohead frontman Thom Yorke has finally put his foot down and used a court order to demand Ted Cruz immediately cease not using “Creep” during campaign events. Yorke argued [more...]Subscribe to our monthly Humor Times magazine here, available worldwide, in print or digital format.

INTERNATIONAL SPACE STATION (The Adobo Chronicles, Washington Bureau) - A stunning photograph of the Hawaiian island of Oahu taken from aboard the International Space Station (ISS) is going viral.  It was taken by British astronaut Timothy Peake, an ISS crew member. But the reason it has gone viral has nothing to do with the beauty of the…

A two year investigation of premier league footballers has revealed that they are thicker than the general population by a sizeable margin, according to the Sunday Thun.

WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - Earlier today, Democratic presidential frontrunner and former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton confessed she pitied supporters of Bernie Sanders, because they knew her record and were aware of what kind of president she would be. Clinton declared it was better for Sanders supporters to be blissfully ignorant of how she would betray them and work tirelessly to repay her rich donors.

Hogan has used the money made from his successful lawsuit against Gawker to buy a majority holding in the wrestling company and plans to unveil himself as the new owner tonight during the biggest WWE show of the year.

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by Jim Hightower.The tea party may seem new, but it’s the same ol’ GOP party of ‘no.’ I’ve found it! I’ve discovered the original document from which today’s tea party pontificators have drawn their political creed. Tea-infused Republicans are the “anti” party — anti-science, anti-public, anti-worker, anti-environment, anti-Obama … anti-anti-anti. Where does all this unrelenting bombastic negativity [more...]Subscribe to our monthly Humor Times magazine here, available worldwide, in print or digital format.

MANILA, Philippines (The Adobo Chronicles, Manila Bureau) - In what could be the greatest legacy of his 6-year term as president, NoyNoy Aquino has issued a sweeping Executive Order totally banning skin-whitening in the Philippines. It is common knowledge that the beauty practice is popular in the Philippines and in some Asian countries -- one that has…

4. Freedom to be denied healthcare by literal death panels at health insurance companies, which routinely override the decisions of healthcare professionals.

New York – (Satireworld.com)
A poll by online agony aunt DragThruTheMud.con has revealed the Prime Minister of Iceland Sigmundur David Gunn-Laugh-Son sitting top of man-eater Mrs Rupert Murdoch’s refuseniks list after calling her out as ‘a man in drag’ at the Vienna Spring Ball last year.

Topeka, KS – (satireworld.com)

Conjoined twins Mary and Ethel Burke are still fighting and have been for over 42 years. The riff started so long ago, no one really remembers what caused it or who was to blame. All friends and family know is this…."they both hate each other and rarely talk."

With the ominous news that Britain’s loss-making steel industry is to be sold off by Tata, David Cameron was said to be very excited about being given the opportunity to go “Full Thatcher” on a section of industrial workers. “Let’s be realistic here, we don’t get opportunities like this every day”, said Mr Cameron to...

Next week, watch what happens to two Discord Staffers after a SPAM eating contest.