SAN FRANCISCO, California (The Adobo Chronicles, San Francisco Bureau) - Long before the Republican presidential field narrowed down to the last three candidates standing, The Adobo Chonicles reported on a short-lived affair between Senator Ted Cruz and Carly Fiorina.  Back then, we predicted that if Cruz becomes the GOP presidential nominee, he would appoint Carly…

Main Street USA – (SatireWorld.com)

Seymour Twat still likes a few beers with the guys before hitting the streets once again in search of a job. Is he totally unhappy? No, Twat says girls always ask him how close does he have to get to really see it! It confuses him a great deal.
Down on Main Street USA, good jobs are in short supply, but nothing compares to the anxiety of a local man named Seymour Twat. For over 20 years Twat has sent out resume after resume only to receive those dreaded…’We’ll get back with you’ letters.

“I don’t understand it. I’ve sent out over 250,000 resumes to t

Simi Valley, CA-(satireworld.com)

The Ronald Reagan Library released previously unseen photos of a young Ronald Reagan holding an infant who’s no other than baby Joe Biden, the future vice-president of the United States.

Cape Hatteras, NC- (satireworld.com)

A U.S. Navy ship sunk during WWII has been found and the surviving crew of 18 sailors were rescued 20 miles off Cape Hatteras, N.C. says Coast Guard Commander Nelson Putty, who helped several of the emaciated sailors onto a rescue helicopter while camera crews filmed the daring transfer.

"He used to sweep the sidewalk with a broom. Now he uses that thing," says neighbor.

Our readers' incredible stories of celebrity sex encounters! Did Rod Hull and Emu engage in a kinky three-in-a-bed romp? Did a young hippie really 'duke the Duke' in 1973?

Crisp salesman Gary Lineker has been awarded the 2016 Nobel Prize in Economics for his divorce equation. ‘The key variables are how long you’ve been married, how many fit birds you meet per week and whether you’re a bit bored. I’m working on a combined dating, marriage and divorce app which turns every quickie into a quickie divorce,’ he said.

Surprisingly, this week’s prize for “Stupidest Political Comment in the Presidential Race” doesn’t go to Donnie Trump or Ted Cruz. Rather, the honor goes to the clueless cognoscenti of conventional political wisdom. These pundits and professional campaign operatives have made a unilateral decision that Bernie Sanders must now quit...

The switch will take the vote out of the hands of the people and place it into the hands of the elite rich. Rather than a traditional vote, each campaign team will be allowed to place a private bid on how much Presidency is worth. The highest bid will win the Presidency.

The nation paused on Wednesday to celebrate the return of a Kelly Ripa, a hero who had gone missing for a week.

A Missouri man is honoring Prince in the most emotionally moving way possible: by paying to listen to the late singer’s music.

Boston, MA – (satireworld.com)

The TSA announced a new weapon in the fight against international terrorism. Starting this week,all agents will be issued a set of X-ray vision glasses as part of an overall upgrade approved by Congress and a grant from DC Comics.

WASHINGTON, D.C. (The Adobo Chronicles, Washington Bureau) - All the world knows that Barack Obama will not be endorsing or voting for a Republican candidate for president, but until now, he has not revealed nor given a clue on which of the two Democratic presidential candidates he would be endorsing: Hillary Clinton or Bernie Sanders. Analysts…

‘The new kit allows the players to show the fans how much they care. Nothing says pride, passion and belief more than a crotchless lion costume.’

WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - Today, Republican presidential candidate and fascism-friendly billionaire Donald Trump dominated primary elections in Connecticut, Delaware, Maryland, Pennsylvania, and Rhode Island. In all five states, Trump won the support of nearly 80% of Americans that regretted not growing up in 1930s Germany.

Alternative Link to Story: goo.gl/BmwOsL

danielbgates

What is our cultural identity and why is it important? What does it mean to be an American in the 21st century? We are very divided, which has implications for both our identity and our future. Amidst any discussion these days, bipartisanship breaks out faster than a Ferguson Missouri Trump rally riot. Today, the republican fringe is…

by Paul Lander.Making fun of the headlines today, so you don’t have to The news doesn’t need to be complicated and confusing; that’s what any new release from Microsoft is for. And, as in the case with anything from Microsoft, to keep the news from worrying our pretty little heads over, remember something new and equally indecipherable [more...]Subscribe to our monthly Humor Times magazine here, available worldwide, in print or digital format.

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