Seaside Heights, New Jersey – (satireworld.com)

Alfonse Pepitone recalled the terrible summer weekend in 2009 when New Jersey EPA officials segregated the cast members of Jersey Shore, a reality TV show. Pepitone played 'Gonzo the Gorgeous Ginzo', a local pizzeria owner who delivered custom ‘tomato pies’for the show regulars. Pepitone recalls, that while in EPA custody, the cast members were forced to give investigators saliva and skin scrapings for DNA evidence to be used in a forensic investigation. The investigation was initiated when local residents alerted the state over a massive po

Des Moines Iowa – (satireworld.com)

The US Department of Agriculture (USDA) has sent notices of heavy fines being levied for inappropriate use of food funding in school districts of 10 pork producing states. USDA charges that federal government funds were spend on other food products than those items specified in First Lady Michelle Obama’s 2013 Healthy, Hunger Free Kids public school lunch program.

North Korea, (satireworld.com)

Life of the Party, and Chairman for Life, Kim Jong -Un announced to the world that the DPNK will set off a 100 megaton nuclear warhead on the surface of the moon sometime this year. The nuclear device will be delivered using a Long Dong military ICBM and will target the mostly uninhabited Mons Delphi region of the moon.

Tory MP Calls for Ban on Bouncy Castles Following Series of Fatalities. Are Deadly Inflatables Alien Predators Preying on Human Children, or Terrorist Plot to Kill British KIds?

At least some remain undeterred, however.

The Government has realised that our greatest sporting triumphs can only be achieved by Yorkshiremen and women - such as Danny Willett's 2016 Masters Golf victory, the 2015 Ashes winning Yorkshire County Cricket Club, and Bogsnorkelling World Record holder Haydn Pitchforth - meaning that all the unemployed are 100% guaranteed to become world class sportsmen and women.

I got it! Let’s keep the “illegals” and load Congress onto buses. How about that for comprehensive immigration reform? I can see it now, Louis Armstrong singing What A Wonderful World, a chirping cartoon bird landing on your shoulder, a bill some day passing Congress. Think about it, a line of buses heading south with all those do-nothing politicians. Eleven million deportations isn’t…

The Humor Times has obtained this exclusive transcript of Donald Trump promising to make baseball great again. We’re going to make America’s Game great again. The Dominicans are absolutely killing us. They’re crossing our foul lines and taking roster spots from American players. Folks, they are steroid users and their pitchers throw spit-balls.

Washington DC- (satireworld.com)

First Lady Michelle Obama had the White House basement cleaned to remove all the Bovine Excrement generated for the president by White House Press Secretaries Robert Gibbs, Jay Carney and Josh Earnest. She needed a cool dry place to store all her turnips for this year’s school lunch program.

WASHINGTON, D.C. (The Adobo Chronicles, Washington Bureau) - If you consume wine and coffee or eat chocolates on a regular basis, you no longer need to feel guilty about it. In a stunning announcement today, the United States Department of Agriculture (USDA) has reclassified wine as fruit and coffee and chocolate as vegetables. This means…

Mr. Brock continued, "This should not be surprising to Americans, as only someone possessed by a demon or Satan himself would challenge Hillary Clinton for the Democratic presidential nomination."

Activists from the fledgling No Lives Matter movement sauntered onto an empty stage in a ramshackle events hall in a nondescript town near Denver on Tuesday, demanding that their voices be heard for a fleeting moment before being forgotten and leaving no imprint on anyone.

‘I’ve never been so insulted in all my life. The “dodgy” I understand but “Dave”? I’m not a fucking commoner. I’ll see him roasted on the fires of hell for that insult,’ Cameron is reported to have said to his staff.

NEW YORK, New York (The Adobo Chronicles, Washington Bureau) - Ah, the beauty of Democracy. In America, you can vote -- or not vote -- for whomever you want.  Such is the case with two of Donald Trump's children, Eric and Ivanka Trump. They are not voting for their father in the upcoming New York primary.…

Uppyurs Pharmaceuticals is frantically attempting to vanquish rivals by producing a Zika vaccine. A copy of the minutes from a recent Uppyurs executive board meeting was surreptitiously obtained by the Dandy Goat.

(satireworld.com)

The Tidy Bowl Man says he's spent almost half his life 'living-with-the-dueces' and says he'll miss seeing all the familiar bottoms he's grown so fond of over the years. He appreciates the nifty dollar bill dispenser the folks at Revlon gave him at the retirement party.

The Tidy Bowl Man says he’s spent almost half his life ‘living-with-the-dueces and says he’ll miss seeing all the familiar bottoms he’s grown so fond of over the years. He appreciates the nifty dollar bill dispenser the folks at Revlon gave him at the retirement party.

San Francisco, CA – (satireworld.com)
A drunk illegal alien allegedly posed as a TSA officer at San Francisco airport before pulling two women into a private screening area to give them a pat down, police said after the two women complained to authorities.

Washington AC/DC – (Satireworld.com)
A newly refurbished unisex pubic convenience at the E Barrett Prettyman United Snakes Courthouse was the scene of a nasty homophobic attack on its sanitary towel vending equipment last Friday when vandals daubed obscenities about non-Sharia compliant periodwear.

Donald Trump’s campaign is frantically trying to lure back supporters after the presidential candidate tweeted a photo of a kitten snuggling with a fawn.

The Prime Minister has insisted he only ever employs ‘legitimate truth-avoidance techniques’ when talking to the British public, and denied accusations of truth evasion. Mr. Cameron has come under intense scrutiny this week for cagey comments about his tax affairs and previously owning shares in an offshore fund.