BILLUND, DENMARK (The Nil Admirari): LEGO Group announced today it will be transitioning from plastic building pieces to more sustainable broken glass building pieces. The company has relied on plastic since the late 1950s, but stated it will fully transition to broken glass building pieces in time for Christmas shopping this year.

BATON ROUGE, Louisiana (The Adobo Chronicles®) - What if they held a beauty pageant and nobody watched it? Well, that's exactly what was going to happen to the Miss U.S.A. and Miss Universe pageants after NBC Universal and Univision both severed their relationship with pageant owner Donald Trump. The two networks fired Trump after his…

⇩⇩⇩ TNA BREAKING NEWS ⇩⇩⇩ REYNOSA, MEXICO (The Nil Admirari): In the early hours of Friday morning, Republican presidential candidate Donald Trump purchased the Mexican art gallery that produced Trump piñatas after Trump stated all illegal Hispanic immigrants were killers and rapists. Piñateria Ramirez was purchased by Trump for $30 million, and Trump says it will now be selling "Mexican Killer" and "Mexican Rapist" piñatas.

WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari): The Pentagon announced today a new Lockheed Martin F-35 Joint Strike Fighter had lost over a dozen dogfights to a 1917 Sopwith Camel biplane. The June 18th engagements showed the World War I-era Sopwith Camel exhibited "superior maneuverability and fighting aptitude" compared to its F-35 opponent.

NEW YORK CITY, NEW YORK (The Nil Admirari) - Today, Republican presidential candidate and autocratic billionaire Donald Trump announced anyone who wanted to attend his rallies would need to take an oath of loyalty to him, and either show guards what he called a "Trump Obedience Tattoo" or be willing to get such a tattoo on the spot. Trump explained the new policies were the result of protesters ruining the atmosphere at numerous rallies, and asserted he was "hugely proud" of the obedience tattoo design with its two lightning bolts.

WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - Congressional Republicans announced this morning they intended to increase infrastructure funding and would more than quadruple the current expenditure by the end of the month. Republicans stated the only things to be exempt from the new funding will be any infrastructure Obama uses regularly, may use in the future, or may benefit from in any way.

Chicago, IL – After a near death experience while riding in Zabib Welhunij’s cab, I had to ask him.  Did you know you almost got us killed multiple times in only a 5 minute ride?  What is wrong with you?  It’s not the first such experience I’ve had in a cab.  His answer surprised me.

Here are the stickier points and stipulations of the EU-Greek deal, otherwise known as the Euro Summit Statement on Greece.

Commentary by Boustina Garubee -- I met Bill Cosby while on a business trip to Chicago about ten years ago...

There were hopes that Bingo's unprecedented educational accomplishments would herald a new era of human-canine understanding, presenting society with a perspective unfettered by human conventions and limitations. But Bingo's discourses have so far not met these expectations.

CAMBRIDGE, MASSACHUSETTS (The Nil Admirari) - The Massachusetts Institute of Technology (MIT) today released the results of its "President Trump Simulations." The university announced that in 97.9% of simulations, any meeting between a President Trump and a foreign official resulted in a war.

Is spare part surgery keeping the Queen and Prince Philip alive? Journalist claims dead royals 'stripped for spares' as Royal couple bid to outlive Prince Charles and prevent his accession to throne.

Unfortunately for Saudi Arabia this appointment is merely a consolation prize after a failed bid for Chair of the Human Rights Council, due to be vacated by Germany in 2016.

We do not write advice because you can’t teach stupid and you cannot change stupid.  However, we do talk to a lot of people and have discovered some common traits amongst people that are rotten to the core assholes.

SYRIA (The Barbed Wire) - Once the poster boy for the evil of ISIS, the man credited with killing numerous hostages held by the terror group is reportedly now on the run from the very group that made him a star. According to the Jerusalem Post, John is in hiding, probably within a different JV terror group.

WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - Republican presidential candidate Donald Trump announced today he was considering former Governor of Alaska Sarah Palin for a position in his cabinet, because Palin "is a very special lady, knows what is going on, and everyone just loves her." Palin thanked Trump for the consideration, accepted a position she called "Secretion of Fatherland Security," and gave her notice that she would quit within 2 1/2 years "just like in Alaska."

Bill Nye ‘The Science’ Guy recently attacked the sacred idea of creationism on a YouTube video.  The Internet and news programs have lit up with those on the side of creationism and those on the side of evolution.

A libertine Texas man is the first confirmed case of the Zika virus being transmitted via sexual contact with a vector.

WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - Today, Republicans across the country continued to be outraged by President Obama's comparison of Republicans who want a war with Iran to Iranian hardliners who want a war with the United States. Fox News has led the outrage by calling Obama "unAmerican," "worse than Hitler," and "that Kenyan who stole the presidency twice."

David Cameron, still the prime minister, has sorted that Europe thing out he said he would, according to David Cameron today.