Check Please!
"If I have to choose between renting to a filthy, seething mound of disease-laden roaches wearing a trench coat in a futile attempt to appear human, and an actual white supremacist nazi, I’m going with the mound of deceptive bugs."
Gary Choad, an avid white piece only chess player and current resident assistant at UVA, has lost his marbles.
Antarctica – (

Climate Change hot air suffered yet another blow this weekend following the publication of the Western Antarctic Research Base report about volcanic eruptions under the Ross Ice Shelf.
The focus of investigators since purchasing The Mirage Casino in Las Vegas with winnings he collected from a halftime Super Bowl wager on the New England Patriots in February, 47 year-old former quantum physics professor Daniel Morrissey also reaped millions from bets he made on the Chicago Cubs in October, less than two weeks before the November, 8th election.
Sure, you may be worried your teen has succumbed to the latest drug craze, but it's also likely he's just the apocalyptic repayment for centuries of evil and injustice.
All snacks sold on British roadways will be made fit for human consumption by 2040, The Ministry of Transport, in conjunction with the major service station chains, has announced. The move is part of a Europe-wide campaign to phase out ‘dirty’ foods from petrol garages and stop-off food courts, but will also affect ‘hybrid’ meal...
As our Republic drifts ever closer to a full constitutional crisis, leave it to the deplorables to Activate form of Diversion. In a slew of  recent ‘Opening Guanologues’, Sean Hannity has demanded that Congress “put an end to this Mueller witch hunt!” Really, Sir Liesalot? Fast and Incurious? Fox and Frauds are opting out of covering Ass-Clown’s demise and are instead shifting focus…
The news doesn’t need to be complicated and confusing; that’s what any new release from Microsoft is for. And, as in the case with anything from Microsoft, to keep the news from worrying our pretty little heads over, remember something new and equally indecipherable...
Peoples Democrat Republic of North Korea – (
After a late-night phone call from President Trump,American singer Marie Osmond has reportedly spent three weeks as the guest of North Korea’s strongman Kim Jong-Un.
According to sources, both are big fans of dancing, singing, and various types of popular music, and last week made several homemade dance-themed movies together at the Presidential Palace located in the ‘Hermit Kingdom’s’ capitol, Pyongyang.
Pyongyang, North Korea – (
North Korea vowed on Thursday to launch a preemptive cyber strike against the United States. An unidentified spokesman for Pyongyang’s Foreign Ministry said the North will exercise its right for “a preemptive cyber attack to destroy the strongholds of the aggressors” because the running dogs in Washington are pushing to start a nuclear war against the North.
The Pentagon – (
The manpower pinch coupled with the effects of the sequester is straining Army fitness and readiness standards. Two major conflicts in the last 18 years, and a renewed North Korean threat, has forced the Pentagon’s top brass to re-think ways to fill the ranks of front line defenses with highly trained soldiers.
Are you a Trump supporter who can't decide how to derail the conversation? This is for all your fact denying!
The couple, Anna Faris, who is apparently an actress of some kind, and Chris Pratt, likely a country western singer guessing from his name, were married for some period of time after probably having met on the set of some shitty TV show or the after party of some shitty music awards event.
Gavin Whitley, owner of Rainbows and Spoonicorns, explained the comforting game this way: “Spooning, also known as ‘knocking at the back door,’ ‘gateway hugging,’ and ‘jetpacking,....
Donald Trump is making a Carry On movie in the White House, and this could explain a number of recent events in his new administration, according to a person we met last night.
Basel, Switzerland – (

Swiss police have executed an international search warrant at the headquarters of First Vatican Money-Laundering Bank Of Miracles following a tip-off from the FBI.
The ‘Pharma Bro’ was found guilty of fraud and sentenced to two years. But Judge Kiyo Matsumoto decided that the sentence wasn’t enough and has jacked it up 5000%.
Miami,Fl – (
Rep. Debbie Wasserman Schultz never actually saw the computer she fought to block the Capitol Police from examining as evidence in a criminal case against her IT aide by saying it was hers, she told SatireWorld reporters Thursday.
I don't really get what the big deal is about this "once-in-a-generation phenomenon." How good could this TV show really be? Also, should I kill George R.R. Martin?

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