Check Please!
As hoarding and supply chain worries continue to make reliable access to toilet paper Americans' top concern during the Coronavirus pandemic, the Porter family of Powder Springs, Georgia are one of many already reporting a shortage of the most essential product.
The vaccine, a conjugate of multiple un-inactivated strains of COVID-19, has reportedly been shown to generate a strong immune response against the virus within a modified threshold of acceptable side-effects.
The jigsaw puzzle industry warned today they will likely not be able to keep up with the surge in demand they expect as a result of the expanding Coronavirus pandemic.
As scientists around the world rush to try to engineer a vaccine that can halt COVID-19 in its tracks, hope for the first such prophylactic came to a disappointing halt yesterday when it was shown to not cause autism in children.
The Bradshaws of Torrance, California awoke this Sunday morning to what they're describing as a "gift from God" when they discovered as many as half a dozen rolls of toilet paper hanging from the trees and shrubbery in their front yard.
A new report released by the White House today credits the leadership and expertise of President Trump in the midst of the ongoing Coronavirus crisis for stemming a greater outbreak and saving millions of lives.
Working tirelessly since the first American was infected earlier this month, a group of Christian scientists say that they are nearing the completion of a new prayer that will "utterly destroy" the Coronavirus.
Constitutional crisis or cobblers? Will Prince Harry and Meghan's decision to renounce royal life and live on council estate in Slough result in end of the monarchy as we know it? Royal experts disagree as to consequences of Harry becoming Uber driver.
What lies behind Pope Francis’ assault on a woman in St Peter’s Square on New Year’s Eve? Was he fighting off sex starved Papal groupie, or was he preparing to fight evil with his fists?
Man threatens to sue NHS for reviving him from clinical death. Claims medics' actions wrenched him unwillingly from heavenly paradise. Controversially claims hereafter is eternal pub presided over by Christ the Geezer.
"Improv is all about embracing what someone is saying and raising the stakes," said Mr. Grinell. "Surveillance on American citizens? Do it. Covert weapons to fund freedom fighters? I'm in. Smuggling yellow cake for an East African warlord to retrieve a lost drone. Hell yes! It's that simple."
Coronavirus-related fatalities continued to spike across the United States yesterday as three more Americans were shot to death after being mistaken for the potentially deadly virus.
President Trump took time from his death match Twitter smackdown with Michael Bloomberg to post the following tweet early this morning, "Is Mayor Pete a pitcher or a catcher? Enquiring voters want to know."
Republican Senators announced today that they have suspended their investigation into the role Hunter Biden played as a boardmember of the Ukrainian energy firm Burisma to focus instead on Shlomo Sanders, the 52 year-old autistic son of Bernie Sanders who works at a zoo.
Troubled wide receiver Antonio Brown was carted off to a mental hospital today, earning a polite round of applause from many across the country.
Celebrating the completion of their partisian duty to acquit the President of the articles of impeachment brought against him by the House of Representatives, GOP Senators on Capitol Hill are offering their sisters for Trump to (make love to).
It all started in kitchen Friday. Halfway through cooking some cong you bing for lunch, I try to open pantry drawer, only drawer not open, so I try again harder, snapping spatula culprit inside and knocking backward against pan, catching curtain on fire! Then, while putting out fire, smoke alarm go off and scare cat, who jump out window I open to let out smoke! Bu yong xie! I find kitty half hour later by Hop Lee dumpster, but that's just start!
Mr. Jefferson announced last summer that he was ending his one-year retirement from basketball—only to announce shortly thereafter that he was retiring again because the only team that offered him a job was the New York Knicks. The Knicks promptly and emphatically denied that they had done any such thing.
Representing an unknown percentage of the total number of fetuses the president has had aborted during his lifetime, the spirits of the unborn Trump offspring were unanimous in their preference to have been given an opportunity to live during a mass seance in Atlantic City Saturday.

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