FLINT, MICHIGAN (The Nil Admirari) - Michigan Governor Rick Snyder's new bottled water company, Flint River Water, has the slogan "Good Enough for Flint, Good Enough for America." Snyder boasts the quality chloride-fortified bottled water is a testament to him running government like a business and cutting costs at the expense of public health and safety.

WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - Republican presidential candidate Donald Trump announced today he was ready to serve in the Vietnam War. Trump said he received several deferments from the war for being too young to be command-in chief, but he has always had a strategy to win the Vietnam War and promised to share it only after he was elected president.

Israel’s intelligence service Mossad has confirmed that a former prominent Nazi who was abducted by agents over the weekend is Britain’s Queen Elizabeth II.

Japanese company Mitsubishi was criticised last night for saying sorry in a comedic Japanese accent, it was claimed last night.

ATLANTA, Georgia (The Adobo Chronicles® ) - Two weeks ago, CNN ran a banner headline announcing that ISIS was advancing "on two fonts." The headline meant to read "fronts." It was assumed that the error was a copyediting issue. But apparently, it was a hacking issue, and it happened yet again. CNN, while doing a live…

Expanding upon his recent observation that “I could stand in the middle of Fifth Avenue and shoot somebody and I wouldn’t lose any voters,” likely GOP presidential nominee Donald Trump added today that if the people he shot were Muslims and Mexicans, he would probably even gain voters.

A royal spokesman today revealed that Hitler made secret visits to Buckingham Palace in 1933 for tea with members of the royal family.

NEW YORK CITY, NEW YORK (The Nil Admirari) - Earlier today, the College Board released the new AP History curriculum with changes demanded by American conservatives since 2012, when a retired history teacher named Larry Krieger took offense to the fact AP students weren't learning about the "perfect America" in his mind. When the Republican National Committee (RNC) learned the AP History curriculum also conflicted with the America in its collective head, it declared war on the College Board and demanded it emphasize "American exceptionalism and patriotism, and less of the inconvenient and...

WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - The campaign of Republican presidential candidate Donald Trump announced today it fired an adviser named Sam Nunberg for making racist statements shockingly similar to those Trump makes every day. Nunberg was fired after it was discovered he made offensive Trump-like statements on social media in 2007 and 2008. Nunberg denied he ever stated them, much like Trump would in his position.

Cleveland – As the waters start to swirl with GOP sharks hopeful to take over Obama’s office, some alarming trends have surfaced after the first debate.  Recent polls show that 43% of Americans say they will leave the country if their candidate does not prove successful in the next open election.

Presidential hopeful Scott Walker unveiled a new plan today that would provide funding for Wall Street by using money raised from new college tuition fees.

“Though he’s only been on the scene a short time, he’s made inroads,” said political analyst Donna Brazile.

WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - Earlier today, the Republican National Committee (RNC) updated its platform to make it clear Republicans would never stop denying climate change until "credible evidence" was presented. The platform also clearly declared "the extinction of humanity" as being the only evidence Republicans would find to be genuine.

WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - Today, a TNA poll discovered 71% of Americans were in favor of renewed hostilities between Fox News and Republican presidential candidate Donald Trump. The mutually assured destruction of both lying, far-right, and bigoted entities was seen as a positive for the political discourse of the country.

ROWAN COUNTY, Kentucky (The Adobo Chronicles® ) - Much of the media focus has been on Kim Davis, the Rowan County clerk who is now in jail for refusing to issue marriage licenses to same-sex couples, in violation of a high court order But in the same county clerk office, there is another Davis, Nathan, who…

ROWAN COUNTY, KENTUCKY (The Nil Admirari) - Today, Mathew Staver - the lawyer representing jailed Rowan County Clerk Kim Davis, who refuses to issue marriage licenses to same-sex couples out of hatred for America and the Constitution - announced he had "never actually read" the Constitution or "learned about the Supreme Court" prior to Sunday when he "made the time" to do so. The former Dean of the Liberty University School of Law confessed, "I have made a terrible mistake, and a complete ass of myself for claiming the Supreme Court does not have the authority to order federal and state offi

MENLO PARK, California (The Adobo Chronicles®) - During a Q&A session at Facebook headquarters Tuesday, Mark Zuckerberg announced that a "dislike" button is finally coming to the social-media network. "I think people have asked about the dislike button for many years.  Today is a special day because today is the day I can say we're working…

WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - Today, Democratic presidential candidate and former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton criticized rival Senator Bernie Sanders of Vermont for giving poor and middle class Americans "too much attention." Clinton argued Sanders was risking not only her ascension to the presidency, but the livelihoods of her friends on Wall Street by letting the poor and what's left of the middle class foolishly think they had "a chance in hell" of reversing growing income inequality.

WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - Earlier today, over two thousand analysts from the conservationist organization Help Save Republican Facts announced it still had not found a single fact voiced by any Republican presidential candidate during Wednesday's debate hosted by CNN. Help Save Republican Facts also declared 77% of its researchers were suffering from acute anxiety attacks after watching the entire second Republican debate numerous times in search of facts.

White Plains, NY – Ben Tripper is a local computer programmer and admits that he overanalyzes things from time to time.