Check Please!
Dear Throckmorton P. Turdblossom,

I saw on the news last night that Walmart is going to start doing breast implants.

I know that breast implants use saline pouches, and that saline is just another name for salt water.

Do you think anyone has tried to corner the market on salt water by buying up a lot of stock?

I think that we could get ourselves rich doing this!

Lefty Schwartz Flyspit, Georgia
Dear Throckmorton P. Turdblossom,

We was driving outside of the town of Toad Suck, Arkansas and we seen a really funny sight. We’re even sending you the picture. It’s an outhouse with a satellite dish on the roof.

Any idea what’s up with this?

Burt Holesum Memphis, Tennessee
In the wake of Justice Anthony Kennedy's announced retirement from the US Supreme Court, President Trump nominated Scumbag Steve as his replacement on the highest court of the land.
THE VATICAN (The Adobo Chronicles, Rome Bureau) - Saying that heterosexuality is simply a lifestyle, Pope Francis today released a new encyclical that redefines the Catholic Church’s dogma on marriage. A papal encyclical is one of the highest forms of communication by the Pope and usually deals with some aspect of Catholic teaching — clarifying, amplifying,…
Federal officials say they have reunited more than 200 migrant families with their Central American gangs back home after they were detained trying to cross the US border under Donald Trump's Zero Tolerance policy for illegal entry into the United States.
The American multinational conglomerate Berkshire Hathaway made a surprising discovery this week when one of its accountants realized the company owned the entire state of New Hampshire.
Washington, D.C. (The Adobo Chronicles, Washington Bureau) - One can be carnivorous, vegetarian, vegan or Pescatarian. But the United States Depatment of Agriculture (USDA) has just released updated nutritional guidelies on what constitutes diets of Americans. The new guidelines classify  people who eat beef or chicken as vegetarians. In explaining the new guidelines, a spokesperson for…
Saying that he has "no problems with the gays", and claiming he wasn't targeting any specific group, President Donald Trump enacted punishing tariffs on the imports of glitter this afternoon after seeing several clips of Pride celebrations on Fox News.
St. Louis, MO – (
Eleven convicted pedophiles from the Missouri State Prison have filed a lawsuit in a St. Louis court against several high schools. They allege that the car washes put on by the school cheerleaders, band, softball team, volleyball team, and other groups pose a clear and present danger to men and are designed to appeal to the prurient interest of all males, even though the females in question may be under the age of consent.
SILICON VALLEY, California (The Adobo Chronicles, San Jose Bureau) - After many years of debate, experts have finally confirmed that the computer is not a 20th Century Invention. A joint statement was issued today signed by top technical and religious experts, saying that Apple, Microsoft and other computer pioneers did not invent the computer. They added:…
Dawsopn, GA - (

Farmer Elmer Cadfrey thought Tuesday’s visit by the History Channel’s American Pickers duo would be a profitable day for him and a chance to unload a lifetime of junk he collected in two of his three large Civil war era barns. Sadly, he spent most of the day down at the Dawson Health Clinic with an ice pack on his nose.
Hailed as a landmark achievement for the African American community, the pick nevertheless has some fans crying "foul".
Attorney General Jeff Sessions today once again turned to The Bible when pressed with more heated questions regarding the Trump Administration's policy of separating the children of men and women caught attempting to illegally cross into The United States - this time however to a series of passages that have heretofore never existed.
Washington DC – (

Psycho-surgeons at the Russia Investigation say a succubus – or female sex demon – may have sucked out the President’s brain and laid an egg in the flaccid cavity. So expect more crazy hatch-lings to soon pop out.
A group of Democratic lawmakers paid a surprise un-authorized visit to a immigrant detention facility in New Jersey on Father’s Day to speak with asylum-seekers who have been separated from their families under a new Trump administration policy.
Pyongyang NK – (

The FBI has accused North Korea (NK) of hacking Sony Pictures Inc computers, stealing executive emails and making physical threats against Sony and other US organizations that would show the film “The Interview.” This black comedy film is about the assassination of Kim Jong Un, NK’s Supreme Leader. President Obama has promised retaliation tactics by the USA to NK at a time and place of his choosing.
Calling their Cleveland Cavaliers team the "true champions", Donald Trump invited Kevin Love and Kyle Korver to the White House for an NBA title celebration today.
SINGAPORE (The Adobo Chronicles, Singapore Bureau) - The historic summit between U.S. President Donald Trump and North Korea’s Kim Jung-on came to an end with The White House announcing a major breakthrough in as far as militarization is concerned Trump sought Kim’s advice on how to stage a grand military parade, Korean style. The U.S. President…
The Arizona senator, who’s battling terminal brain cancer, thinks someone suddenly died and made him the leader of the free world.

Proving that he’s determined to be a prickly thorn in President Trump’s side even while waiting to get the sheets changed on his deathbed, McCain once again tried to undermine the President by slamming the tariffs Trump slapped on China and Canada (you know, like the ones they charge on American goods).

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