WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - Earlier today, Rep. Trey Gowdy (R-SC-04) - chairman of the eighth Select Committee on Benghazi - announced his lawyers had instructed him to begin practicing the phrase "I plead the Fifth." The legal advice followed allegations Gowdy may have violated federal law when he fired Benghazi investigator Maj. Bradley Podliska - an active member of the Air Force Reserve who criticized Gowdy's investigation for focusing primarily on Hillary Clinton - and may have violated federal law again when he tried to discredit Podliska by releasing confidential information...

WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - Today, Rep. Paul Ryan (R-WI-01) officially lost the Republican contest to not be Speaker of the United States House of Representatives. Speaker Ryan garnered 236 votes to succeed John Boehner (R-OH-01), and declared his defeat to what he described as "one of the most shameful American legislative bodies in our history" prior to threatening all of America with what was to come.

WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - Earlier today, the White House announced it planned to indiscriminately bomb "way more" civilian targets in the Middle East than it had been prior to the terrorist attacks in Paris last night. President Obama explained air strikes that resulted in significant collateral damage were "the only way" to show the West's enemies that targeting civilians outside of the Middle East was completely unacceptable.

Whispering a prayer for the victims of Friday’s attacks in Paris, Facebook user Nicole Dalton has solemnly removed the blue, white and red filter from her photo, a feature of her profile since Saturday.

Ultra-wealthy actress had no idea her luxury T.V. spot for EA might rankle the rank and file.

SEEKONK, MASSACHUSETTS (The Nil Admirari) - Today, a Massachusetts man who identified himself as "a hugely patriotic American" accused President Obama of acting like Hitler for forcing states to take Syrian refugees fleeing from the Islamic State. Thomas Basil, a construction worker and married father of two, subsequently told TNA he supported the idea of forcing Muslims in the United States to wear badges that identify them as Muslims - an idea endorsed by Republican presidential candidate and loose cannon billionaire Donald Trump.

SEEKONK, MASSACHUSETTS (The Nil Admirari) - Today, a small government Republican declared he was outraged by the rising costs of prescription drugs in the United States. Thomas Basil, a construction worker and married father of two, blamed big government for too much regulation and taxation, and asserted allowing the free market to regulate itself was the only way to remedy the problem of expensive prescription drugs.

Jihadist group ISIS have claimed responsibility for the huge turd which recently brought Brussels to a standstill. Belgian authorities declare 'Code Brown' as Jihadist 'Shit to Kill' tactics hit Metro.

U.S. Army and Marine units have been using their drones in airborne cock fights, to settle rivalries and bets. And no one is complaining.

College Park, MD – “Hey honey, you’ve got to come see this,” yelled Jamie Grundwald out the front door of his neighbor’s house.  “Get over here quick.  This is hilarious!”

WASHINGTON (TheSkunk.org) — Sen. Rand Paul’s apology for using plagiarized passages in his speeches appears to have been extracted from a speech given by former congressman Anthony Weiner.

After reviewing almost 5,000 digital photographs taken from inside the sunken luxury liner the Titanic, a Woods Hole scientist has concluded that there were survivors who lived inside the ship for up to five years after it slipped beneath the waves on April 14th, 1912.

How do you put an end to transgender bathroom discrimination in a country that thinks its own genitals are tools of the devil, much less anyone else’s? Simple...

ATLANTA, Georgia (The Adobo Chronicles) - CNN, the first and most respected 24-hour cable news network, launched on June 1, 1980. On that day, 35 years later, the network will look back at the biggest stories in the network’s history. Here are the highlights of those amazing 35 years: Don Lemon, telling black people they shouldn't wear…

Queens, NY – If anyone were going to turn the reality TV industry on its ear, it would be either Piers Morgan or 50 Cent.  Ironically, it is a partnership between the two megastars that will do just that.

Is internet porn the new front line in the battle for press freedom? Campaigners urge web users to download more filth from the net to frustrate Tory plans to restrict access to on line pornography!

If you're a gay young man nervous about coming out to your parents, try practicing on a couple of your stuffed animals. Later, to most realistically depict how your mom and dad will respond to your news, hang your stuffed animals by their necks in the garage...

PAGO PAGO, American Samoa (The Adobo Chronicles) -  The United States Court of Appeals for the District of Columbia has just ruled that the Fourteenth Amendment's guarantee of birthright citizenship does not apply to island territories including American Samoa. Agreeing with the Obama administration's lawyers, the DC Circuit relied on and even expanded the scope of…

LOS ANGELES, California ( The Adobo Chronicles ) - Technology has definitely caught up with America's new generation of teenagers. Or is it the other way around? Today, the Field Poll released a new nationwide opinion survey involving 5,000 Americans throughout the country -- aged 13 to 19 -- asking them one open-ended question: "What do you…

SPOKANE, Washington (The Adobo Chronicles) -The alleged white woman who has  been posing as an African American today revealed that she was also part Native American and part Hawaiian. For nearly a decade, Rachel Dolezal, who heads the NAACP chapter in Spokane, Washington, has claimed to be African American. However, her parents, who appeared on…