Mr. Jefferson announced last summer that he was ending his one-year retirement from basketball—only to announce shortly thereafter that he was retiring again because the only team that offered him a job was the New York Knicks. The Knicks promptly and emphatically denied that they had done any such thing.

Representing an unknown percentage of the total number of fetuses the president has had aborted during his lifetime, the spirits of the unborn Trump offspring were unanimous in their preference to have been given an opportunity to live during a mass seance in Atlantic City Saturday.

"We know who the people are that came over from the House of Representatives," said the president's Deputy Patrick Philbin. "We watched them walk across the rotunda and walk in here and deliver the articles. But can anyone tells us who we are?" he asked.

Yang, who made his disclosure this morning on Twitter, has since offered scant details of the assault with any of the major media outlets his revelation has garnered him attention from.

The Senate impeachment trial of President Trump convenes this week, and for a variety of reasons most Republican members of the upper chamber of Congress want to play no part. The following are the most common excuses members of the GOP have given to dodge their duty.

To many in Great Britain, the uproar over Meghan Markle’s comings, goings, and indeed existence are no surprise; the country has, in the eyes of many, been ‘contaminated’ by outsiders for far too long. “Make Britain Great Again” founder Basil Carville claims that all of Britain’s problems can be traced to the arrival of undesirable immigrants in 1066.

9 year-old Make-A-Wish recipient Connor Banks had a busy first day as the newest member of the Milwaukee police department Friday, "solving" a robbery and shooting at several unarmed African American bystanders.

A local group of musicians gathered in their garage to form a new Rush tribute band decided to hang it up on Saturday after realizing there was absolutely no way they would ever be able to play their music.

James Carville described Pennsylvania as "Philadelphia on one side, Pittsburgh on the other, and Alabama in between.” We should not be surprised, therefore, that today is National Drunks Against Mad Mothers Day, sponsored by DAMM Pennsylvania.

Most people can recall their first sexual experience, but judging from the responses to the 2020 Postcards from the Pug Bus Sex Survey, not everyone puts a smiley face on that memory.

Jessica Simpson read the news today, oh boy, and now the singer-actress wants to adopt a pillow angel. Ms. Simpson had been interested in adopting a child formerly, but after scoring poorly on a questionnaire sent to her by an adoption agency in Tijuana, Mexico, she became dispirited.

"Baptism is the original sin, inflicted on innocent children without their consent. From the time of Abraham the notion of sacrificing a blameless child has been the true believer's go-to move, but if churches were honest, they would raise the age of consent for baptism to twenty-one, at least."

National Poisoned Cha-Cha Day, when the war between the sexes took a turn for the grim after a woman in Sao de Jose Rio Preto, Brazil, had tried to kill her husband by putting a poisonous substance in her vagina and then asking him if he fancied a box lunch.
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With rising tensions between the United States and Iran fueling concerns over a new war in the Middle East, the Pentagon today sought to address the fears many American parents are expressing regarding their children's health and safety should they be drafted.

Toyota was been swamped with complaints about drivers turning left from right-hand lanes, taking up handicapped spaces in parking lots, using their high beams to blind other drivers, and crushing companion animals because the drivers didn't see them.

There is only one kind of person in the world. He who knows about Schrödinger’s cat, and he who doesn't. For most of us, however, Schrödinger’s cat is a meme in search of a meaning.

"The proof is in the 'putting,' so to speak," added Mr. Gonzales. "Strom Thurmond, Tony Randall, and Paul McCartney were all rowing on Golden Pond when they fathered children."

"8%. Not bad," he remarked, calculating from his laptop's browser history the 42 minutes out of his 8-hour workday that he spent on web porn.

When the Blessed Virgin Mary, who knew something about warding off penetration, appeared to Polycarp in a dream, Polycarp awoke and immediately stuffed his ears with cow dung,

THE VATICAN (The Adobo Chronicles, Rome Bureau) - Pope Francis has already publicly apologized for violating a woman at The Vatican a couple of days ago.  The incident where the Pope slapped the hand of a woman pilgrim after she grabbed his hand was caught on video and has gone super viral. But Vatican officials are…