WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - Earlier today, Democratic presidential candidate and former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton announced she was going to legally change her name to "Bernie Sanders." Clinton's decision to change her name followed weeks of her claiming to have exactly the same progressive positions as rival Democratic presidential candidate Senator Bernie Sanders of Vermont, who continued to gain on Clinton in various polls of likely Democratic primary voters.
NEW YORK CITY, NEW YORK (The Nil Admirari) - Today, Republican presidential candidate and billionaire Donald Trump announced the formation of Brownshirts for Trump, an elite club for his most enthusiastic supporters. The Republican frontrunner explained members of the Brownshirts will wear brown shirts and engage in political outreach operations - mainly at night - to interact with non-Trump supporters, those with "anti-American political ideas," and "anyone who doesn't look American."
WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - Today, staffers representing most of the Republican presidential candidates met to discuss the demands they will make of all future debates, but the meeting quickly focused on ponies. Staffers agreed every candidate should have a debate animal to sit on, and a majority of the presidential campaigns voted for debate ponies.
HAVE YOU EVER worried that not enough data is being collected on you? That collection is too limited in its scope and doesn’t really capture the whole experience that is you with a capital Y? I mean you are building a life story here, playing the lead in the movie of your life, and finally the seats of the theatre are full—but...
BATON ROUGE, Louisiana (The Adobo Chronicles) - Conceding that this is not his time to be president of the United States, Louisiana Governor Bobby (Piyush) Jindal today announced that he was suspending his campaign for the Republican presidential nomination. His campaign strategy since he ran for governor has always been to project himself as a…
Mr. Earnest painted a picture of the three highest officials in U.S. government "staring helplessly into their closets" as time ticked away for any of the three to make it in time to join other major world leaders in displaying solidarity against the horrific attacks.
AUSTIN, Texas -- Nine bicyclists were critically offended and dozens more were irked after a confrontation at a downtown Austin restaurant led to a slew of insults being fired.
"This is a very distressing finding with a potentially major impact on our tourism industry and our very quality of life overall," said Rolf Jonsson, a member of the Riksdag. "Sweden prides itself on a high standard of living and needs to take a very serious look at what has happened here."
A year-long probe into the murky world of youth soccer has led to the arrest of more than a dozen hyper-involved moms.
THE NORTH POLE (The Nil Admirari) - Earlier today, the Happy Holidays faction in the War on Christmas launched a surprise attack on the North Pole headquarters of the Merry Christmas faction. Heavy damage was done to Merry Christmas Headquarters by the Happy Holidays strike force, which breached the walls and forced its captives to play with dreidels, sit around a Festivus Pole and perform both the Airing of Grievances and the Feats of Strength, and wear Happy New Year hats and blow on similarly marked noisemakers.
"The Department of Reality wants a plan that clearly shows how the Middle East is not completely destabilized by the reintroduction of large numbers of American ground forces. We know both ISIS and Syrian President Assad will be targeted, and also believe Iran will be next," stated Secretary of Reality Horace Green.
Saying he’s been eyeing the country for a long time but was waiting for its appraised value to drop, business mogul Donald Trump had placed a record-breaking bid for the purchase of the United States.
U.S. Army and Marine units have been using their drones in airborne cock fights, to settle rivalries and bets. And no one is complaining.
LAS VEGAS, Nevada (The Adobo Chronicles®) - Republican presidential candidate Rick Perry characterized the recent shooting in Charleston as an "accident" during an interview on Friday, accusing President Obama of using the massacre, which claimed nine lives, as a pretext for pushing a gun control agenda. "This is the MO of this administration anytime there is…
SAN FRANCISCO, California (The Adobo Chronicles ® ) - The City and County of San Francisco is trying its best to rid itself of the reputation of being one of the places in the U.S. with the most expensive rent, what with the monthly apartment rent averaging in excess of $4,000. As more and more high-rise condominiums…
Pranksters and protesters around the world are waiting with bated breath for a decision by the International Olympic Committee (IOC) on whether or not glitter-bombing will become an official Olympic sport. But government officials around the world aren't exactly beaming with excitement, mostly because of the clean-up costs.
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