Check Please!
Brighton, MA-(

Happy' Ed Gleeson is without a doubt the 'Happiest Man in the World!' He's earned this distinctive title by never frowning, never being angry, and always having an upbeat and positive attitude.
National Park Service, South Dakota – (

The National Park Service confirmed that Barry Obama could possibly be the first black figure carved into Mt. Rushmore. President Barack Hussein Obama had made a list of 'first things to do' as the first black President living in the White House and it seems being immortalized in stone is high on his priority list.
Satire World Editorial:
Last year, we had idiots camping out all over this country to protest the one percenters. They disrupted business on Wall Street and in many other cities just for publicity purposes. This group claimed to represent 99% of the American people, but they didn’t represent me.
NOTE FROM WALLACE: This is an absolute shocker! You will lose half your toupee with this one! From Wikipedia: Red hair (or ginger hair) occurs naturally in 1–2% of the human population. It occurs more frequently (2–6%) in people of…Read more When Exotic Wildlife Attacks… OMG! You’ll Never Guess! ›
What’s that word? Apathy? I was apathy, bro. No, wait, empathy. I was empathy. My bad ha!
1. Because he wants them to (vampires suffer from Oppositional Undeadfiance Disorder). 2. You need at least a 100 IQ to be turned, no exceptions (well, except Tom Cruise and Robert Pattinson). Vampires, as a rule, won’t turn children (so Trump’s 0 for 2). 3. No creature preternatural or otherwise would want to listen to Trump for…
by Jennifer Hollie Bowles.What’s your sign? Check out your Funny Horoscope November 2018, and the outlook for all those jerks you know, right here! What? You don’t even believe in astrology? No matter, it doesn’t believe in you! ... Read moreHoroscopes for Jerks: November, 2018Subscribe to our monthly Humor Times magazine here, available worldwide, in print or digital format. Pick up a copy at Barnes & Noble and other stores all over the U.S.
Washington, DC – (

Investigations have revealed that the Democratic Party has already been organizing and planning riots, looting, car burning, violence, mob action, protests, and crying in areas where the Republicans win races in the mid-term elections on Tuesday. George Soros and Oprah Winfrey have each pledged millions in funding to pay for the “spontaneous protests” that are being scheduled all around the country.
As local man Gerry Gurstaed nears retirement age, he is looking forward to watching the company he worked so hard for enjoy spending all the money it made off him over many years.
Does A Bear Poop In The Woods?

The United States National Park Service officially clarified what was mostly snide jokes and hearsay remarks concerning the bathroom habits of North American bears. Today, Ranger Bud Ricks held a press conference at the Wilds Federal Reserve addressing the pressing issue of where a wild bear actually does his ‘scat’.
Can gender fluidity exist beyond the grave? Can spirits 'cross over' after they cross over? Man sues local medium after dead mother's spirit manifests itself – but in male form.
Was company behind UK body parts scandal planning to set up online 'body shopping' site? Extraordinary claims that target 'body shoppers' would have included mad scientists, necrophiliacs and shady clinics catering to the ultra rich.
Are feminist extremists out to demonise all single men as potential rapists? Tory politician makes extraordinary claim that men being forced to go gay or transgender in order to avoid anti-male persecution. Alleges that militant feminists plotting to have men treated like terror suspects.
Washington, DC - (

The Democratic National Committee has requested national TV air time in order to caution fellow Democrats about how to avoid long lines at the polls and to advise them to cast their vote on Wednesday, November 7th when lines at the polls will be considerably shorter
MANILA, Philippines (The Adobo Chronicles,Manila Bureau) - Many Filipinos are fans of ‘Star Trek,’ especially of George Takei who originated the role of Mr. Sulu in this Science Fantasy series.  Thousands upon thousands have prized collections of ‘Star Trek’ DVDs (and Betamax tapes). But these collections will soon go up in flames, thanks to a…
Bonn, Germany – (
Adolf Hitler’s only granddaughter, Ava Gesundheit Braun-Hitler, announced the August birth of twin sons who were delivered in a secret underground bunker beneath Bonn General Hospital. Reportedly the twins were conceived at the Josef Mengele Fertility Clinic in Paz, Bolivia. Both mother and twins are reportedly doing fine.

A huge torch light first birthday rally is planned in Munich next August where the twin boys will be attending a military boarding school.
CUPERTINO, California (The Adobo Chronicles, San Jose Bureau) - It only took the first sixty minutes before Apple’s newest iPhone sold out. A company spokesperson told The Adobo Chronicles that most of the sold units were ordered online, thanks to an aggressive email advertising campaign launched by Apple’s Marketing gurus. But alas, it seems that many…
Chicago, IL – (
Ronald McDonald is falling on hard times after a 47 year run as the official spokesman and mascot for the fast food giant McDonalds. Citing unresponsive interest in youngsters now preoccupied with apps, gaming, and computers, today's children find the yellow-jumpered mascot, well, just plain boring.

Moore and Kelly did meet up in Miami later in the week. She later remarked about how disgusted she was as Moore ate his way through South Beach’s finest restaurants and then spent hours in their suite’s bathroom making rather odd body noises.

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