Labor Day is noted mostly for being a transition day. Labor Day. The last plastic souvenir sports bottle of lemonade on the dying coals of summer. Not so much a festive celebration as a beacon for the halfway point between 4th of July and Thanksgiving. The spot on the calendar where fireworks switch to Jack-O-Lanterns.

I’m kidding! The GOP has been a big pile of shit for a long time. It just keeps getting deeper, is all. Searching for the last sane republican is tough, like finding Bigfoot on Mars tough. I’ve always referred to the last few sane conservatives with an almost cryptozoological fondness. I’m talking about people like David Frum (an old Bush speech writer),…

Mick Zano’s approach to our current Russian investigation debate, if you can call it an approach, is to list 9 out of 10 unnamed fictitious “experts” from the future who will someday conclude that the FISA warrants were justified. Nice. I don’t have access to his futuristic technologies. My approach is to read the 4…

Consistent with the tone of his waning days in office.

Reading magazines this week, I learned that: Elton John doesn’t get along with his mother, so she spent her 90th birthday with an Elton John impersonator. (Rolling Stone, 2/25/16) Eighty-five percent of kids say they have fun with their parents. (Time, 3/14/16)

Making fun of the headlines today, so you don’t have to The news doesn’t need to be complicated and confusing; that’s what any new release from Microsoft is for.

Glenn Beck Headquarters—Deep in the heart of an undisclosed Denny’s, Glenn Beck and the rest of the League of Extra Ordinary Gentlemen assembled in a last ditch effort to save the republican party. The Discord’s own field reporter, Cokie McGrath, was able to gain entrance to this clandestine group, before the breakfast specials ended. Glenn Beck…

Washington, DC—In an effort to stabilize a political ecosystem that many in Washington are calling “completely F-d up”, environmentalists released 47 stable republican politicians into Congress this week. Jake Green of the Capitol Re-Acclimation Project explains, “By releasing semi-coherent individuals into both the Senate and the House, the hope is that things might actually return to the baseline…

by Michael Egan.‘Stop publishing the truth under cover of fake news!’ Trump screamed, threatening to sue. ‘Fake news should be fake! That means not true!’ NYC – At a “stormy face-to-face” meeting at Trump Tower yesterday, Humor Times editor Inyore Face and Onion publisher Mimi Me were “brutally dressed down” by an infuriated Donald Trump, America’s next [more...]Subscribe to our monthly Humor Times magazine here, available worldwide, in print or digital format.

The so-called president tells editor, “I’m glad you report ‘faux news,’ not ‘fake news!'” Reporter: “Is it true you’re going to reinstate waterboarding?” Trump: “Yes, I think it’s the only way we can bring the truth to the American people. We will be waterboarding members of the press until they agree to stop reporting ‘fake news.'

The “real news” reasons President Trump declined to throw out the first pitch: Caddies not permitted on pitcher’s mound. He is Boycotting baseball until “illegals” are prohibited from casting ballots in All Stars games.

MPAA film rating system updated for an era of polarization and the politically correct. G – General Audiences. All politics accepted. Nothing too offensive to conservatives or liberals. Lassie may come home. Miracles may occur on 34th Street. Language no saltier than “damn,” “coccyx” and “tushie.” Examples: The Little Mermaid; Mary Poppins; King Kong PG [more...]

Miami, Fl—News is breaking that Cuban Dictator Fidel Castro did not die peacefully in his Havana Home as initial reports suggested. The Cuban leader was apparently trampled to death after a fight for the last pair of Bluetooth earbuds at a Walmart Supercenter in east Miami. Fidel Castro’s brother, Raul, made a statement to the press, explaining how his brother…

Burlington, VT—Sixteen-year-old Trent Drury admitted earlier today how he and two of his friends are responsible for summoning the current president from the nether realms. The boy told reporters, “Sorry everyone, we really didn’t think it would work. We thought Ouija was just a another game like Monopoly, Clue or that Evil Dead book made from…

San Diego, CA—After the incident this weekend that claimed the life of eight year old Bobby Turner, the petting zoo management of WolverDreams Inc. announced it will be closing its doors forever. Little Bobby’s visit, which was originally arranged in conjunction with the Make A Wish Foundation, ended the life of a young man a few weeks…

Washington, DC—Vice President Mike Pence is doing his best today to sell a less than popular healthcare bill. Republicans took all the usual steps, including lying and relabeling, but to no avail. They are saying that the increased number of uninsured Americans, Pioneer Health Recipients and Obama death panels, which didn’t actually exist under the ACA, will be created and…

When it’s really her little blonde friend they should be worried about.

by Will Durst.More presidential wacky nonsense: arm teachers President Donald Trump tossed out some wacky nonsense, saying we should arm teachers, which encouraged the press and public to go nuts debating this ludicrous suggestion, totally ignoring commonsense ... Read moreThe Cafeteria Lady Is Packing HeatSubscribe to our monthly Humor Times magazine here, available worldwide, in print or digital format. Pick up a copy at Barnes & Noble and other stores all over the U.S.

Keeping a vigilant public aware of plausible conspiracy theories Conspiracy Theories is the hard hitting website that isn’t afraid to investigate and expose the dark forces that seek to prey in so many devious ways upon the general public. We are here because you need us! We are ever-vigilant against those evil people, organizations, nations...

OK, people, we need to discuss billboards. Yes, we really must. Billboards must be living creatures, for they appear to propagate, spreading everywhere, growing to enormous size, shouting corporate messages at us — and even watching and tracking us with their digital eyes. Now, though, rather than billboards becoming human, we humans are becoming billboards.