The tweets of the 'tinfoiled hat man'.

Referencing studies they themselves designed to correlate essential nutrients such as saturated fat, sodium and sugar with poor health and disease, scientists are usually paid by conspirators looking to advance the profit motives of certain concerns, in this case likely those of Big Fruit, Big Yoga Pants, and the personal trainer industry.

Donald Trump will release evidence President Obama illegally wiretapped Trump Tower once it is found and can be safely extracted from his ass.

CUPERTINO, California (The Adobo Chronicles, San Jose Bureau) - In its most recent quarterly report, Apple said it sold 231 million iPhones in the past 12 months. That's almost 20 million power month or 667,000 per day. Alas, in just the last 24 hours, iPhone sales dropped by almost 80 percent, mostly in the American market. Thanks to…

"It's a no-brainer," says typical poll respondent.

Donald takes a leak--wait, I mean, Donald takes ON a leak. (Ah, that's better....)

Physician and U.S. Senator Bill Cassidy made medical history last week by managing to detach a pair of terms that were previously believed to be inextricably synonymous.

I'll lay it down for you real quick: the secret reason why you need to cover your mouth when you yawn is a spooky, ghoulish man named Poppin' Pete.

A Saffron Walden man was said to be 'comfortable but traumatised' in hospital after a dogged attempt to stick to established norms and expectations of behaviour when in a public convenience.

Tony McGough, 34, entered the 3-urinal, 3 cubicle prefab on the High Street just after 2 pm on Wednesday. Opting for the far-left cubicle for a scheduled dump, McGough immediately began to back out when he found an unflushed shit in the pan along with considerable collateral skids on the sides of the porcelain.

  Tweet Tower—President Trump signed an executive order today demanding that former President Barack Obama vacate his head immediately. The White House was originally calling this a series of ‘wire tapping’ incidents, but is now referring to them as ‘voices’ inside the president’s brain. Trump describes these voices as incessant and derogatory. Fine, he said, “They’re constantly saying nasty…

A new disorder, “Post Election Stress,” is sweeping the nation and has Americans flocking to therapists. A new form of stress is sweeping the nation and it has Americans flocking to their therapists in droves. Post Election Stress Disorder (PESD), also known a Political Pee Pants Syndrome, is a real condition in which an individual...

Hillary Clinton responds to the Vice President's email scandal.

Trump believes that Obama may have ordered Biden to stay behind and spy on him in the White House.

No brain activity necessary to perform even high-level tasks, study reveals.

Canadian couple charged after chip-dip fight over last beer

Donald Trump says he has met a man in a darkened garage he says is code named DeepPockets, who told him that the conspiracy against him is 'huge' and that he should 'follow the money', just like DeepThroat in Watergate, according to the new president.

Yemen claims Obama tapped its one land line phone--wait--Pakistan, no, I think it was it China! (Too many damn foreign countries.) Sue 'em!

What's so funny about old people? Watching them stave off death one workout at a time, they don't appreciate things like the Senior Menu, and more.

The USA is to offer legal protection for straw men. The Truth Recalibration Act 2017, will make it a criminal offence to attack a straw man and will also enshrine the evidential value of bogeymen, homunculi and Texas sharpshooters.

Tweet Tower—Despite attacks from the press, President Trump remained focused on the positives today, mainly, how many negatives he has accumulated in such a short period of time. When asked specifically about his promise to have more scandals than Obama in his first 30 days, Trump maintained how his administration is still on an unprecedented scandal pace (USP). “Obama had too…