Check Please!
New York City, NY – (satireworld.com)

New New York Congresswoman Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, who had already made a name for herself with her wild and outlandish accusations, claims, and actions, has admitted that Rita Repulsa, the sworn enemy of the Mighty Morphin Power Rangers, is her biological mother “Like most little girls, my mother is my hero. I have modeled my life after her and want to do and accomplish everything that she has done. I want to continue her work. People say that I look a lot like her when I get emotional, and I consider that to be a great compliment.”
Giuliani, who has lately been busy trying to reconcile the complex and sometimes contradictory threads of the president's various scandals, was in the midst of arguing that remarks he made previously denying that there had been any collusion between Russia and the Trump presidential campaign didn't mean that nobody on the campaign ever colluded with the Russians when the blood first became visible.
Actress and former 'Saved by the Bell' and 'Beverly Hills 90210' star Tiffani Amber Thiessen has reportedly cancelled plans to play herself in a real-life drama where she was to be kidnapped and held for ransom by bikers.
According to FBI spokesman Dale Palmer, the same who led the investigation that culminated in Loughlin's arrest on Tuesday, the elder Loughlin offered a judge and members of the Los Angeles District Attorney's Office an array of enticements - including coupons and vouchers for meals and local attractions - in a bid to insure her daughter would spend any future sentence she may receive in the exclusive prison.
Looking to "connect with some of our more urban youth", Secretary of Education Betsy Devos welcomed a group of students from Chicago's John Brown Middle School aboard her yacht today for an afternoon fishing excursion.
New York, NY – (SatireWorld.com)
New questions are being raised about the sleeping pill Ambien after Kerry Kennedy, the ex-wife of New York Governor Andrew Cuomo, may have been under the influence of the sleeping aid when she was involved in a crash with a tractor-trailer on a New York highway and left the scene. She claims she was ‘sleep-driving.’
The Trump administration announced on Monday that it will reverse Obama-era standards that banned dumping bright green toxic waste directly on your head.
Hollywood, CA – (SatireWorld.com)
Rosie O’Donnell announced today that she was not upset by Miley Cyrus’s performance at MTV’s VMA Awards by paraphrasing President Barack Obama and saying “If I had a son, he’d look like Miley Cyrus.” Miley upset viewers everywhere by bumping and grinding (now called “twerking” by the texting generation) and then constantly rubbing her crotch suggestively with a foam finger during a musical performance at the awards show.
Washington, DC – (satireworld.com)

The United States Postal Service announced today that the long overdue commemorative stamp issue celebrating the two-term presidency of Barack Obama are now on sale at most USPS locations.
Berkeley CA – (SatireWorld.com)

Students at the University of California, Berkeley (UC Berkeley) held a protest demanding that the University create both “safe spaces” for transgender students and “spaces of color” for non-white students on campus. A wall of protesters also prevented white students from studying in the Student Union and stopped traffic at the main intersection in the front of campus. The left wing UC Berkeley Administration caved to the protesting students, but instituted a set of new “safe space” safety rules to reduce the effects of any micro-aggressive behavior by other
Atlantic City, NJ - (satireworld.com)

The Miss America Organization announced today an end to the swimsuit portion of its competition and the practice of judging contestants specifically on their outward appearance
Dawsopn, GA - (satireworld.com)

Farmer Elmer Cadfrey thought Tuesday’s visit by the History Channel’s American Pickers duo would be a profitable day for him and a chance to unload a lifetime of junk he collected in two of his three large Civil war era barns. Sadly, he spent most of the day down at the Dawson Health Clinic with an ice pack on his nose.
Using advanced imaging techniques applied to billions of cat photos and videos on the internet, researchers found that cats have read more books, understood them better, and in general are better read than 95% of their human owners.
Militant vegans eaten by lions as they shout 'Meat is Murder' at big cats. Anti carnivore group affirms ambition to 'convert' predatory animals to vegetarianism. RSPCA brands 'carnivore conversion' programme 'animal cruelty' as allegedly successful subjects die of malnutrition.
In a complex conspiracy that even the host of Info Wars, Alex Jones, had trouble coming to grips with, the application to deliver content from his show turned out to be software that allowed Hillary Clinton to observe the movements of every single one of his fans.
Washington, DC – (SatireWorld.com)
Senior FBI investigators named ex-presidential candidate Hillary Clinton as a credible source in an ongoing look at election claims which used television ad bites to promote the Democratic party’s stance on certain controversial issues and uttering supposedly false charges against other candidates.
Video footage of Lindsey Graham engaging in what appears to be a sex act with a woman leaked onto the internet today, dispelling any suspicion and all possible future evidence that might suggest that the third-term Senator is gay, his office says.

NASA – (satireworld.com)
In the summer of 1969, The United States of America launched the Apollo 11 spaceflight. It landed on the moon on July 20th and Neil Armstrong became the first man to walk on the moon the next day. He was the followed by Buzz Aldrin. Training for the mission was done in Texas, California, Alabama, and Florida.
Showing marked declines in all major categories, President Trump's latest polling numbers reveal that support for his performance in the White House has shrunk to mostly just meth heads.
Stockholm, Sweden – (satireworld.com)

Swedish Olympic Athlete Ivana Phuque, who has won speed skating medals in the Winter Olympics and pole vaulting medals in the Summer Olympics, has decided to expand her activities to include golf. She will compete in the 2019 LPGA tour.

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