WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - Today, the Islamic State (ISIS) announced many prominent Republican politicians - including many GOP presidential candidates - will receive cash bonuses for exceeding ISIS's recruiting goals. The Islamic State explained Republican opposition to Syrian refugees being allowed into the United States was "a wonderful way" to help the religious-extremist organization recruit even more Syrian civilians, who were essentially being held hostage inside their own country.
Congress just passed a bill establishing new names for popular foods with Arab roots.
WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - Today, Speaker Paul Ryan (R-WI-01) declared Congressional Republicans will unveil their preliminary plan to replace Obamacare in 2219. Ryan urged Americans not to be concerned about Republicans incessantly attempting to kill the Affordable Care Act, because a plan to replace President Obama's signature healthcare law was already in the pipeline.
By now, my love, I am certain you have learned about our unfortunate setbacks on the petition signature front. Our brave leaders continue to tell us to fret not about that battle, insisting we shall prove victorious in that theater before next month draws to a close.
AUSTIN, Texas -- Nine bicyclists were critically offended and dozens more were irked after a confrontation at a downtown Austin restaurant led to a slew of insults being fired.
Former Ebola Czar Ron Klain, chosen by the Obama administration to lead efforts against the disease, has returned to the nation’s capital and is demanding his restoration.
Traditional circular baked goods purveyors have worked hard to distinguish their products from the mainstream, primarily through products which offer increased frosting-to-face transfer.
WASHINGTON (The Nil Admirari) - Earlier today, Republican presidential candidate Donald Trump confirmed reports he had been sexting with Russian President Vladimir Putin for over six months. Governor of Ohio John Kasich - a rival Republican presidential candidate, who refuses to make public the "very troubling" sexts - discovered the long-term sexting relationship between Trump and Putin after becoming convinced he should investigate the relationship between the two after days of them being very complimentary of each other in the media.
The woman who's toplessness rocked a mountain range in Malaysia is being approached by The Sun to get them out again on page three, only months after page three was set to be axed and only days after she caused an earthquake in Malaysia.
Davenport, IA – Dallas Northcutt and his son, Lucas, decided that an uncharacteristically cold and snowy December day provided a perfect opportunity to get out onto the local hills and go sledding after a great Christmas holiday. Lucas got his snow pants on, grabbed his sled, and bundled up to get ready for an amazing afternoon. Dad didn’t grab his sled this time like he normally does.
The U.S. Government made the following announcements today that are in preparation of New Year’s Eve 2016. All the preparations, listed below, have roots in traditional superstitions.
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