Check Please!
Boston, MA – (
Senatorial candidate Elizabeth Warren got a taste of Indian heritage today when a man in the crowd the ‘Indian Princess’ was addressing removed his hat and asked…’Are you responsible for this?” The man’s obvious scalped head bore the scars of a sharp knife and hurried removal.
Chow Mein City,China (

Two homosexual factory workers in southern China have committed suicide in an attempt to travel back in time. The young men decided to end their lives after one of them lost a remote control to a door and feared the consequences, China Daily reports.
Xiao Hua told his lover and fellow rubber duck assembly worker, Xiao Mei, that he was worried about coming clean to his parents about misplacing the door opener again.
Taking a break from the busy holiday season, you are surprised to discover those pleasant out of focus lights outside are not what you thought they were.
Al Franken, dogged by multiple, mistaken harassment claims and photographic evidence, bravely faced the public and released a statement of apology–privately, through his representative.
NEW YORK, New York (The Adobo Chronicles, New York Bureau) - It’s that time of year when TIME magazine names its ‘Person of the Year.’  This year, however, it’s going to be ‘Persons of the Year.’ U.S. President Donald Trump and Philippine President Rodrigo Duterte tied for the annual recognition for being the persons who most…
In an unusual turnaround at the annual Turkey Pardoning festivity at the White House, the turkey itself made a speech. The 48 pound white turkey Drumstick unexpectedly hopped up to the mike, cleared his throat and said:“Thank you, Mr. President for changing my verdict from assassination to a merciful life behind chicken wire fence for […]
I'm glad to know it's WOMEN who are responsible for the sexual harassment reform movement, and not the flagging appeal of my aging ass.
In a surprise move, Boris Johnson’s hair has declared itself a sentient being capable of feeling shame and therefore will be dissolving their semi-successful double act at the end of panto season. In fact, the hair, now revealed as Darren Wallis, told reporters that it wishes to be taken more seriously in future. Mr Wallis...
In the wake of the #MeToo environment that society now finds itself, many progressive parents are opting to spare their potential politicians from a lifetime of needless allegations. It’s safe, it’s easy, and it’s guaranteed to keep your future leader scandal free, or your money back! In a world where any touch can be perceived as a bad one, even decades…
In an under-reported story Trump berated as ‘fake news,’ astonished onlookers witnessed the first-ever turkey pardoning of a president. According to witnesses, in an unusual turnaround at the annual Turkey Pardoning festivity...
Scientists have confirmed that the astounding crop marks which appeared last night in England, near the Wiltshire village of Avebury, must have been made by extraterrestrials
New autonomous vehicle technology will finally give dogs the ability to do something they've never been able to do: chase dogs in other cars.
The photo should be a fast growing fertilizer advertisement…but you know the old saying ‘give them enough rope and they’ll surely hang themselves’ has never been truer.
Council workers stage 'military coup' against so called 'Nightmare Mayor' of provincial UK town. Inspired by President Duterte, mayor launched reign of terror against alleged non recyclers, litter louts and non poop scooping dog owners.
Are standards of British sex offending in decline? Is current political sex scandal too little, too late? Expert demands that MPs must step up sexual harassment to set example if US lead in sexual offences to be cut.
What has befuddled me from the start over this whole groping apocalypse is the way in which much of the media professes mystification as to what fuels such attitudes to women. Really? Have you seen your own content of late?
New London, Conn – (
State troopers from around the tri-state New England area vowed to never invite ex-Vice President Joe Biden to future Fraternal Order of Police conventions in fear of losing its core of rank and file membership over homosexual issues promoted by Biden in his hour-long speech to over 600 law enforcement attendees.
While Lavar Ball and President Trump square off in the media, one party is secretly hoping they finally get in trouble for being such a pain.
With the fourth Thursday of November upon us, millions of American households will sit down to observe their final Thanksgiving together this week.
Exhaustive research by the professionals at the Canard Press newsroom has come up with the following seven no-fail tips to help you get through the day.

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