GameStop shares skyrocketed in afterhours trading today after posting earnings of $32 per share, more than justifying the stock's recent meteoric rise.



































































 
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Hey, there. Remember me? Of course you do. Who could forget the best President of all time? From my big, beautiful wall to Space Force to reversing the wrongs committed against Lil Wayne, I truly made America great again. It's no wonder the Democrats impeached me twice. They were just jealous!

With Joe Biden's radical left-wing policies soon to be transforming the country into a communist dystopia, we can expect our lives to look profoundly different in the near future. The following are some helpful tips to surviving (and thriving!) in America's new socialist era.

If you call tech support these days, you get a menu of three choices: Some chappie with a rogan-josh Indian accent telling you, "My name is Brian"; or a low rider who talks faster than his relatives run when they're caught stealing electricity; or some Vietnamese ex-hooker who calls you "Feel," when your real name is Phil.

Billed as a gesture of Donald Trump's appreciation to those who have supported him over the past 5 years, spokesman Dennis Diallo stated that the future The Homes at MAGAville in Winter Springs, Florida will boast the same luxury and style that developments bearing the President's name are known for, but at prices his middle-class base can afford.

Domenic Brooks, 52, formerly a salesman at Rod's Tote and Float RV and Boat Outlet in Durham, will now serve as Head F***stick of the same dealership after posting videos of himself taking part in the pro-Donald Trump insurrection, his boss Rod Towson confirmed.

Reduced to using smoke signals to communicate with the outside world, President Trump caused some confusion amongst his followers this morning with a message to "storp the capital".

Trump, whose behavior has grown increasingly erratic since his election loss to Joe Biden last month, reportedly ordered the poisoning of over 40 members of his inner-circle - including his wife Melania and his sons Donald Jr. and Eric – then the White House burned as he fled aboard Marine One.

A collection of photographs featuring celebrities not wearing makeup shocked and sickened thousands before being taken down this morning.

Angered by years of imprudent, reckless decisions, a man's immune system launched an assault on his brain this week after he contracted COVID-19 at a bowling alley.

WASHINGTON, D.C. (The Adobo Chronicles, Washington Bureau) - Feeling more and more dejected and frustrated with his losing legal battles to invalidate the results of the 2020 U.S. Presidential elections, Donald Trump today issued an Executive Order that rescinds his appointment of three Supreme Court justices — Neil McGill Gorsuch, Brett Michal Kavanaugh and Amy…

Is Rudy Giuliani really a cyborg lawyer sent back in time by future President Trump to derail Biden election victory? Did future Joe Biden bring Covid-19 back in time to undermine Trump presidency? Incredible claims that present moment in time is focal point of two competing timelines' attempts to prevail!

Local journalist claims Rudy Giuliani's laptop found in Preston computer shop. Alleges hard drive full of gay porn. Is President's personal lawyer involved in bizarre plot to finance election challenge through proceeds of adult film making?

Did the Queen spend lock down engaged in sex and drug fueled orgies in her Windsor Castle bunker? Wild tabloid tales of naked ladies-in-waiting engaged in gladitorial contests and soap stars forced to perform shows live and at gun point emerge.

Confirming expectations that escalating global infection rates would deter him from making his usual holiday gift-giving rounds, St. Nick remarked via Twitter that his decision was not difficult.

Donald Trump is not taking his loss in the 2020 Presidential elections sitting down. He is planning a comeback…

Rudy Giuliani, President Donald Trump's personal attorney and the face of his legal challenges to overturn the presidential election results, claims to be doing well since having admitted himself to a gay wellness center in Marietta, Georgia after testing positive for COVID-19.

The low-tech version of shortening the stroke works a treat with things like cable modems, routers, streaming television boxes, and “smart” devices from cell phones to dildos, all of which have tiny computers inside.

“Obviously,” said the president, “people who can’t get to work because they’re projectile vomiting shouldn’t have to worry about losing their job because they’ve already used up all their sick days.”

President-elect Biden, sensitive to questions about his age and fragility, told reporters, “I used to drive weekends at local NASCAR events while I attended that HBCU in, uh, Delaware.”