Tehran, Iran – (satireworld.com)
Iranian Ayatollah Smella Buttholla has demanded that, like Muhammad, no one is to take his picture or to draw/paint/sculpt a caricature or portrait of him. Buttholla feels that, to attempt to emulate the Isamic prophet, one must act like and be treated like the prophet.

Washington, DC – (satitreworld.com)

After the initial three allegations were revealed over a few weeks, a startling number of allegations against Supreme Court Nominee Brett Kavanaugh were revealed just today. Those allegations include:

Two weeks into all the hoopla surrounding Brett Kavanaugh's Supreme Court nomination, I have just one question. Seriously? A man who grew up during the 80s and only sexually assaulted 2 3 5 women is a bad guy? Seriously?!

I mean, really. It's time to harrumph in earnest.

Dooberville, GA – (satireworld.com)

As an almost perfect ending to what’s being called ‘Witch Hunt Wednesday,’ SatireWorld editor Bargis Tryhol has gone on public record saying that he ‘slipped the eel to’ Justice Elena Kagan back in 1982 while getting a mocha shake at a local Arbys!

A federal judge this week released a local man who had been on death row for fourteen years after new evidence came to light showing that he was at the beach the entire time during the week of the murder.

Hollywood, CA – (satireworld.com)

Forty year old Great Dane Scooby-Doo (exact date of birth unknown as he wasn’t registered) was laid to rest yesterday at a funeral at the Hollywood Park Cemetery; He was too big to be buried in a cardboard box in the backyard. His grave is between the fire hydrant at the south exit and the nearest pine tree (so that relatives might have multiple places to hike their legs when visiting), He is survived by countless mixed breed puppies and dogs all over California and the world.

Los Angeles, CA – (satireworld.com)

Another woman has come forward to accuse comedian Bill Cosby of sexual assault, claiming the event took place as recently as 2008, which is within the California statute of limitations.

A neuroscientist told The Atlantic, "We fed our octopus more than Ecstasy. How could we not?"

Denver, CO - (satireworld.com)
Jack Phillips, owner of the Masterpiece Cakeshop in suburban Denver, refused to make a wedding cake for a gay couple on religious grounds and was cited by the Colorado Civil Rights Commission (CCRC) for Gay discrimination. The Supreme Court of the United States (SCOTUS) upheld Mr. Phillips refusal. He has now sued the State of Colorado in federal court, over further harassment by the CCRC for his refusal to bake a cake celebrating a gender transition.

Pittsburgh, PA - (satireworld.com)

Joanna Cameron, star of the mid-1970’s Saturday morning television series Isis, claims that she is not in any way affiliated with the terrorist group ISIS (called ISIL by some Democrats to show support for and pander to Syria).

Palo Alto, CA – (satireworld.com)

“That’s the way the cookie crumbles” is an expression that has been around since the 1920’s. The exact origin of the phrase is unknown, but it is used as another way to say “that’s life.” Researchers at Stanford University have received a three billion dollar grant from the Food and Drug Administration to determine the exact way that the cookie does crumble.

Concord, NH – (satireworld.com)

The duo behind Ben & Jerry’s ice cream is hoping to “take back Congress” by creating Democrat-inspired flavors.
Ben Cohen and Jerry Greenfield are teaming up with social justice organization MoveOn to create a contest to support seven progressive candidates ahead of the midterm elections.

In order to achieve FIRE (Financial Independence Retire Early) experts advise an individual's net assets should equal at least twenty-five times their annual cost of living. The following are some (not) useful tips for reaching this goal

“We were as surprised an anyone,” said the lead technician on the project, Professor Luken Balden. “But the universe is, in fact, exactly shaped like this popular American cellular phone. Go figure!"

Stockholm, Sweden – (satireworld.com)

Swedish Olympic Athlete Ivana Phuque, who has won speed skating medals in the Winter Olympics and pole vaulting medals in the Summer Olympics, has decided to expand her activities to include golf. She will compete in the 2019 LPGA tour.

Transylvania,Romania – (satireworld.com)

The famous Dracula’s Castle, the Transylvania landmark once home of Vlad the Impaler and also known as Bran Castle, is up for sale in Romania. The sale price is estimated to be about $150 million in U.S. dollars.
While the castle has little indoor plumbing (except public bathrooms in the tourist areas), it does offer the following amenities:

Washington DC – SatireWorld.com)
A UK newspaper reports that the Obama administration, via the National Security Agency (NSA), has been collecting the phone records of millions of Verizon customers each day under a top secret court order.

You’re talking to the guy who read a few passages from Aristotle’s “Poetics,” but also read the Wikipedia summary several times.

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